To My Future Husband

Hey Future Husband,

I don't know if you are reading. In fact, I highly doubt that you are. It'd be kind of cool if you were, but most unlikely. I wonder if I know you already? Probably not. That's OK. I don't have to know you yet.

I realized something today. I don't like my dad very much. Don't get me wrong - I love the guy. He's my dad. But he's not the kind of man I want to model my future husband after.

My parents had a chest of drawers that was from a set I had as a kid. We took one piece and put it in Elyssa's room a long time ago. I just recently got the nightstand and asked my mom if I could get the large chest too. She thought that was fine. She found another chest yesterday to use instead and started to move it in today. My dad - he doesn't think a woman is capable of doing anything. He wasn't feeling well (ie - drunk or hung-over) so he put on his sad face and proceeded to help. He made my mom feel like it was all her fault for even trying this. That she was stupid to even think of doing it. I found myself falling into the trap of feeling bad about it and then just wanted to smack him upside the head. He didn't have to help. He could be an ass all by himself in the other room. He could do what he always did - sit, watch TV and drink his Jack Daniels. I wanted to yell at him. I was saddened because I realized my mom had to put up with this for their whole marriage. He's always been like that. Any time she wanted to change the furniture around or paint something or ANYTHING, he always made her feel like crap. Me too, now that I think about it. I can remember wanting to put up Christmas lights and how he made me feel like it was such a hassle and just dumb. I felt bad because I was doing something he didn't want to do.

Guess what my ex is like? He's EXACTLY the same way. Anytime I wanted to do something, he'd help - but not joyfully. He'd do it, but I'd have to put up with his body language and comments that made me think I was stupid and how could I waste his time like that?

I want a real man - a Godly man. Not a perfect man - I know that doesn't exist. But a man who will joyfully help his wife - EVEN if he doesn't really want to do it. A man who will be excited on vacations and not treat it all as a big waste of his time. A man who will be a man. A real man. Not the crappy, self-centered men that surround us these days. I want a man who will love his wife like Christ loves the church. Do men like this exist? Single men? Are they a myth? Or are they all just taken already?

So - future husband, if you're reading, be ready to do some projects with me while we're dating. You're going to have to prove that you are a real man. Are you ready to love me like Christ loves the church? Do you understand what that means? He was willing to suffer and die. He was willing to love through the pain and heartache. He was willing to forgive. He was willing. Are you?

It makes me wonder what I do or don't do as a wife. How can I know? Who can tell me now? I'm slowly chipping away at the layers of crap that have defined me for so many years. I'm working right now to be the best I can be for you. Well, not just you. There's Someone who will forever be more important than you. I hope you aren't the jealous type. I'm giving Him my entire heart and soul. Maybe one day, He'll feel that it's time for you to join our circle. I hope so.

Keep healing, future husband. Keep leaning on our Savior. Keep yearning for me. I'm waiting for you. I hope you'll wait for me too.

~Erin