My pastor talked about faith tonight. One thing he said was "Habitual sin is a lack of faith. Laziness is a lack of faith. Refusing to engage with your neighbors is a lack of faith." How does Pastor Matt know? How does he know what's going on in my life all the time?
I was asked to go eat with with some people I don't really know in person on Saturday to celebrate this really nice guy's birthday. I know them only through this very blog. I was filled with fear. Going to meet people I don't know is an agonizing and horrendous idea to me. It's never that feeling when I'm first asked. Well, that's not true. The feeling is there but I pretend that it is not. But upon reflection, I am filled with fear. I can't do it. I don't know what to say. They won't like me.
I did this when I first tried to meet with my home group. It took a few months to force myself to meet these people who have nothing but love for me.
So I didn't go on Saturday and I'm sorry.
Lack of faith. Jesus is the one who ties these strangers to me. I care about them and have never met most of them. They already care about me. I believe the lies of Satan instead of stepping out in faith that Jesus will be there with me too.
There are many times I will not answer the phone when it's someone I know, but not well, and I think they are going to ask me to do something. How crazy is that? I won't know what to say. I won't know what to do. I won't be what they think I am. Lies - all lies from the master liar.
As my counselor would say, I'm being a pawn for Satan. I'm allowing him to lead me around instead of telling him to shove it and following my Savior.
So with tears in my eyes, I offer my apologies. If you ask me again, I will do my best to not let Satan's lies hold me back.
5 comments:
Behold, your eyes and your heart are opened. Following Him WILL enhance your total walk because He WILL lead you beside still waters, He WILL restore your soul, and He WILL run you cup over with blessings. And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance, DANCE!
BIG FAT HUG to you. I am sorry that you were not there. It would've been great to finally meet you in person, but I know there will be other opportunities. I think that this post was wonderful and I am glad that you wrote it.
The devil is a liar...he SOOOO is!
Have a great week Erin!
We did miss you. But, as Carlotta said..there WILL be other opportunities. Next time...just REFUSE to listen to all the doubt that Satan tries to tell you. Hang in there...follow Him and....see ya next time!! :)
We like you. We missed you. Next time we will pick you up if that will help. You will be accepted and loved in person just like you are in blogdom.
Love you, girl!
Hey Erin!
I just caught up on all your posts - as you know from the email I sent, I had a busy week!
This reminds me of a question I once asked my pastor at ACF (in Austin). He was talking about how, as Christ followers, our hearts yearn for God and want to be like Him and follow Him and accept His love. I asked him why, then, is it SO hard for us to drop the "world" and all that comes with it. Why is it such a struggle for us to capture what our heads know and push it down for our hearts to believe. His perspective was that while we are in human form, our humanness stays with us. And that humanness (and the weaknesses/failties that go with it) is as strong in us as the reality of God. But, while we are still human, God wants us to CHOOSE Him, and as we willfully choose to believe him over the temptations and lies of Satan, we grow - stronger in our faith, stronger in our relationship with God and stronger in our witness to others.
So, I would imagine, that maybe this will always be something you struggle with to some degree, but God is honoring and will honor your heart and your will's desire to believe His truths.
Anyway, I modified a bit of what he said because our situations are a bit different, but I feel like the "moral" of the story is the same for both of us. Keep chasing, loving and choosing Him, He'll honor it - big time.
Love you!!
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