I went to Transform today. I proudly wore my light blue Connector shirt. What the heck is a connector, you ask? Well, let me tell you . . . I really have no idea.
Massive projects like this tend to have a certain degree of not being organized. It's just inherent in the whole idea of getting a bunch of strangers together to get some projects done. I'm totally OK with flexibility. But I wish I was better told what to do when everyone was getting there. They gave me two groups but the signs we were holding up - - - OK, this isn't going to make any sense without more details. I was given Yellow 5 and Orange 4. We were supposed to hold up these signs to help the volunteers find us. Then we were supposed to meet each other and what not - you know, connect! I was supposed to help facilitate all this connecting. Well, the signs only had one color on them and they only had the number 1 and number 2. So I chose not to hold a sign. I got the feeling from a couple in my group that I wasn't doing my job. So I held up a sign that said Orange 1. So of course Orange 1 people came to me only to find out I wasn't their leader. It was just dorky.
Then come to find out that the people in my groups were all home groups. So everyone knew everyone - - that's right, except ME! Ugh. This is just not my strength. Really. I wanted to turn in my blue shirt and run from the place screaming. But I chose to carry on. We got to our hallway and all got busy. We had a fun day of painting. I talked to quite a few people, but never did manage to "connect" anyone to anyone else. I seriously felt judged by this couple that I wasn't upholding the standard of the light blue shirt. Then I realized that the day was not about me and how comfortable I felt "upholding the standard of the light blue shirt." It was more about talking to people around me and painting trim for this under-privileged school. The point was to be Christ's hands and feet. I just let my hands and feet (and brain!) get in the way a little bit.
I'm sad to say that I never did talk to God when I was feeling this pressure from some random stranger. I wish I had. Thankfully, He was with me still.
I am going to ask to NOT be a Connector for the next two Transform dates. It's just not my thing. I want to go and be there and help, but not have the pressure of connecting others. I'm more of a behind the scenes girl. And that's totally OK. I guess I used to think it wasn't OK to be behind the scenes. I used to think that behind the scenes wasn't really serving God. It was doing stuff so other people could serve God. That's so totally FALSE! When working behind the scenes, I'm serving God by helping make things easier for other people to do their thing. It's something we should all remember I think.
2 comments:
Although you should be free to choose your point of involvement in the process, you should take the time to express to someone responsible your experience, not to complain, but so that the process can be improved. That way all who serve as connectors in the future will have a better idea of what to do and thus, they can be more effective. As a leader, I always WANT that input, but there are times I don't want to lead, I just want to bee a hard-working worker-bee. And as for people who crtitcize others trying to help, God will have to show them His grace by forgiving them.
Very true. I did share my ideas with the leader person. I offered to work with the children's group because Elyssa would have more fun there. She was going to move me that direction anyway! Plus I asked for any behind the scenes work to help out and she was so thankful. I'm going to organize the lists of volunteers. That's the kind of stuff I love doing! It all worked out. As far as the criticizing people - that truly may have just been me. I fell into the trap of worrying more about what others think. I'm learning to stop that.
Post a Comment