I'm so very much not myself right now. I'm just full of anger and kind of hatred towards the world. What's up with that? I'm taking it out on my dog, my daughter, myself. It just sucks.
I'm overwhelmed with school. It's not very fun right now. And then when I have a moment of fun, someone comes along to steal it from me. Like when another teacher sends an email about not giving paperwork and cc's the principal! Like I'm a three year old and need to be tattled on? That makes no sense to me. Ask me for it. Maybe - just maybe - I forgot. And I have to turn in lesson plans again. I've been teaching for 15 years - seriously? The district is making me prove that I know how to plan? I'm not one of those slackers. I ALWAYS do lesson plans. Why the extra micro-management? And the state who keeps telling us more and more to do but never gives us more time. So now I'm teaching surface level science and social studies and I HATE that. I want to dig deep into things and spend time on them, but now it's like just get it hit so we can move on. I don't want to be a complainer, but here I am dumping it all out.
I'm overwhelmed with my home. It's a mess. It makes me feel crazy. I can't exercise like I want because of my knee. That makes me feel fat.
I know this attitude problem is that I haven't done SQUAT on building my relationship with God. I've left Him way behind me. This is what happens when I don't put Him in the front - my life falls apart. My world becomes dark and gray. My world becomes a pit that I feel like I will never climb to the top of it again. I'm in the pit guys. Anyone got a lifeline to toss my way?
That's a crazy question - I know my Lifeline. I just have to reach for it.
1 comment:
Read the verse at the top of your blog. It is a good one.
That said, I'm praying for you, but is there any other way that I can help?
I know that a lot of this is due to pain. I've been in pain for months with my back, too. This weekend I realized I was sinking into that pit, too. I've done research...there is a connection between long term pain and seratonin levels. Don't beat yourself up. Some of this might be hormonal.
BUT...if you are leaving God behind, that is a lot of it. Don't do that. You know better. I know you do.
So, I can encourage you to turn to Him and rely on Him. I can pray for you. What else can I do?
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