Sunday Night Ramblings

I have nothing to write about but I want to write. So you'll have to bear with me as I ramble. Or, you know, click the X up in the top right corner and shut me down. It's all in your control. It's 10:45 on a Sunday night. My daughter is at her dad's. I have no school tomorrow. I've done nothing all day except sleep, watch a movie (Spaceballs!) and played Lego Star Wars (finished episode V - not completed, just unlocked all the levels for freeplay). The only reason I don't feel totally lazy is that I kind of don't feel good - sore throat and lots of drainage. So my day has been recuperating, not just being lazy. Right? Yeah, I'll keep telling myself that.

I used to feel guilty about liking when I didn't have Elyssa. But I don't feel guilty anymore. I like the peace. I just wish my parents wouldn't call me so much. It sucks to be a single 35 year old woman and the only person who calls me is my mother.

Speaking of Elyssa and Star Wars, she keeps asking me the most serious questions. First it was why did Anakin turn to the dark side. Then she asked why Princess Leia hated her father. We've had some intense discussions about how it was hard for her to love her dad, but she finally began to love the man Anakin and still not like Darth Vader. She kept telling me that you aren't supposed to hate your father; you have to love him because he is your father. I said that I know. But sometimes when your father does terrible things, it is really hard to love him. I don't have any idea if she was thinking about her own dad or if she was just stuck in the movie. But I thought it was very interesting.

Speaking of Anthony, I saw him at Elyssa's indoor soccer game yesterday. He brought Elyssa, Gabrielle and their new baby Olivia. She's really cute. Elyssa said, "Mommy, don't you want to hold Olivia?" I said, "Absolutely - I'd love to." So I took her from Anthony and was very proud to say that all I felt was how cute she was. Anthony looked freaked out by the whole thing - which is funny to me. Olivia looks like Anthony - actually more like his brother Vincent. You can tell she's a Gibson. It's just nice that I've got nothing for him anymore. It's liberating.

At church on Saturday, a bunch of people sat in my row! Finally! :-) For the past three weeks I've sat behind this really cute guy. He's really tall and he's got long dark shaggy hair, which I'm kind of into right now. I didn't get the whole shaggy hair look at first, but I'm liking it now. (But you know what's weird? Right after my divorce, I swore I would only look at blonde guys. I wanted the opposite of Anthony. Short and blonde? But I never ever find blonde guys cute. Only dark haired ones. Especially tall ones. Weird.) But of course, he has a wedding ring on. What is it with me finding married guys cute? Surely there are cute single guys out there. I did think he was cute before looking for a ring. You've always got to look for the ring first. His name is Kyle, by the way. (Christy - if you're reading - do you remember my crush on Coach Kyle Morrill in high school? I still have his autograph! It's in my Snoopy diary.) Kyle's always alone. I wonder what's up with that? His wife's not a believer? He's going through a divorce? He's a widower? He's not even married - just wears a ring on his left hand to keep girls away? Do you ever do that? Not wear a ring to keep the girls away - make up stories about people you see? Then, as I was leaving, the girl next to me started up a conversation with me. I was shocked. Sad, right? Why am I shocked? She asked how long I'd been going to the Village. I told her about home groups and going to the Next Step class after church. Her name was Christine. I guess my question is - do I put off this "leave me alone" thing? How do you know if you're doing that?

It's 11:15 now. What can I do? I'm listening to Switchfoot - heard of them? I'm finally taking a break from Kevin Max. He's making me sad lately - long story - don't ask. Well, you can ask, but I won't tell you here. Switchfoot is cool. My favorite song is The Beautiful Letdown. It's about realizing as a Christian you don't really belong to this world. We belong in Heaven - we belong in Eden. That's why that lots of times we feel lost and out of place. My other favorite is called On Fire. I think it's about being on fire when you're close to God.

Everything inside me looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change,
You are the only chance I'll take
I'm on fire when You're near me
I'm on fire when You speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
These mysteries

On that note, I think I'll go. See ya next time. Maybe I'll have a real purpose in writing. :-)