We sang a few songs and I got teary. I almost always get teary during worship. I get filled up and it overflows. Then a song was played that just broke me. I sat down in shame and just cried and listened. I couldn't even remember the song at the end of service. Luckily someone else did. It's called Everything by Lifehouse. The part that got me was:
You are the light to my soulI sat down and whispered I've failed You and couldn't stop crying. The guy singing tonight was awesome. I was completely surrounded by that song and my guilty heart.
You are my purpose
You're everything
and how can I stand here with You
and not be moved by You
Guess what the sermon was about? How we, as Christians, can feel so moved by God - so close to Him - and then just forget. We just forget. You know the people who say if they could just see God then they would believe? It doesn't happen that way. Think of the Israelites being led by Moses out of Egypt. They saw God's miracles. They saw the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, the pillar of fire, the manna coming to them every single day! How quickly they forgot and built a golden cow! I always thought they were so stupid. I'm so stupid. Even the disciples - they got to walk with Jesus. They got to see His miracles first hand! They got to touch Him. They saw Him die. And when He returned to them, Matthew 28:17 tells us "When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted." How can that be? Some of them doubted? Here is their risen Savior in front of them and they don't quite buy it. The pastor speaking tonight, Beau, led us to Deuteronomy 6:4-9. This is how we don't forget.
Attention, Israel! God, our God! God the one and only! Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love Him with all that's in you, love Him with all you've got! Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. (msg)Why do we forget? Why do our hearts wander so easily? Why is it so hard? I'm still looking in that pit and it sure looks fun. How can I see both sides and still be torn? I'm afraid I've already made the wrong decision and I'm just waiting for it to happen. I'm pretty confident that the choice will be in front of me again. Thankfully the choice is out of town right now on business, so I have a little time. This was super easy when I was in my teens. Then I made the wrong decision and married 4 years later because he already had my heart. 17 years have passed and the choice is back. Oh, but I can justify my choice right now. It's amazing how easy I can justify what I want. I actually think I can control my heart. I actually think I can keep it separate. I've tried to pray that God will take the choice away, but I don't really mean it. Surely God knows that. I'm holding it tight in my fist - I don't want to let go.
I need a miracle.
2 comments:
Miracles are what God is all about. And the fact that you can't do it on your own is by His design. What do you need God in your life for if you can handle temptation and struggle on your own. What do you need Him in your life for if you ALWAYS make the right decisions and never falter, how can He pick you back up again and love you? What would you go back to Him for and need Him for if you could easly say, "this is what's right, it's what I'm doing and I succeeded, no problem".
He loves you and knows the desires of your heart - which include His will for you and STRONG human desires for companionship and love. He doesn't ever ever say that He'll remove tempation or desires (Christ was tempted by Satan with bread when he hadn't eaten... and the story goes on and on about needs that Christ had and Satan could provide) - Christ didn't want or need these things, but he had SUPERNATURAL abilities to contain his urges because he was the Son of God... we are fully humans adopted by God and we need His strength and His forgiveness equally.
I've said it before in your blog, but I was struggling at one point and messed up and friend of mine told me "God doesn't rejoice because we do the right thing all the time, He rejoices because when we fail, we run to Him - over, and over and over and over again". Never stop running to Him.
Wow! Christy I would love to sit down and talk about God with you! As I hit "comment", the thought that came to mind is "God is in the miracle business". He hears and answers our prayers. Temptations are always present. What we have to admit and confess is that we are powerless to fight them. God is the only power, He is your protector, He knows the struggles you are having, every detail, He is sovereign, He loves you, He wants to perform miracles in your life.
May God take your heart captive and protect you against the enemy. May He give you eyes to see that shortlived pleasure can only bring longterm heartache. May He strengthen the courage of your convictions to be a godly woman, knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what He has instore for you is so much better, so much more! May you sense His presence, His comfort and His love.
Erin, know that you are loved.
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