Hind's Feet

I'm reading a book given to me by my home group leaders. It's called Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. I had to research what the heck hinds' feet were because I've never heard that expression. A Hind is a type of female red deer who is able to put her back feet in the exact spot her front feet were. She doesn't falter going up the mountain because she knows exactly where to step.

Habakkuk 3:19
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.

This book is an allegory, not so different from something like Pilgrim's Progress. It is about Much-Afraid and her journey to the High Place. The Chief Shepherd asked her to go there with Him. She lives in the Valley of Humiliation with Fear - her family. I want to share some of it with you, but if right now you're going blah blah blah. . . feel free to skip this post.

So much of the story struck a nerve in me - a nerve I thought was better hidden than it actually is. The Shepherd asks her to allow Him to plant the seed of True Love in her heart. The Seed is very sharp; He lets her know that if she is to know true Love, then she will also have to know Pain. She accepts that and then He tells her she will have two guides to accompany her to the High Place. She, being all giddy on Love, tells Him that she will accept with joy whomever He choses to be her guides. She tells Him that she doesn't feel like she'll ever be afraid again.

He walks with her for awhile, leading her toward the High Place. Soon, though, He tells her He must leave her with her guides now. She is a bit distraught. She wants Him to stay with her. She says that with Him she feels strong. He tells her that He could stay with her and carry her up the mountain, but then she would never develop her hinds' feet and then would not be able to go where He goes. Guess who her companions are? Sorrow and Suffering! Much-Afraid can't believe it! She asks Him why can't He choose Joy and Peace to be her companions. He says, "Will you trust Me, Much-Afraid? Will you go with them, or do you wish to turn back. . . ?"

Isn't that so much like us? We tell our Savior that we will accept His decisions, but then when we get those decisions - um. . . this isn't what I had in mind, Jesus. Are You sure? To be more personal - "Jesus? I didn't want divorce. I don't want loneliness. I don't want what you've chosen for me." How prideful am I? I know better than He? Nothing in my life is by accident. He knew all the steps I would take before I took them. It's easy to trust when things are going well, isn't it?

She asks Him, "Help me to trust You as much as I long to love you." She continues her journey, soon traveling in the Desert. She stops and tells her companions that she can't go that way. It's a total contradiction of all that He promised her. She cries out to Him and He comes to her immediately. "No," said the Shepherd, "it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible." She tells Him that it could be months or even years in the desert! He asks her, "Much-afraid, do you love Me enough to accept the postponement and the apparent contradiction of the promise, and to go down there with Me into the desert?"

Do we love Him enough to follow His footsteps where ever they may lead?

Later on, Much-Afraid is attacked by her enemies: Pride, Self-Pity, Resentment and Bitterness. She throws off Pride at one point and the Shepherd is there to celebrate with her. He tells her to remember her promise that she will wait patiently until He gives her her heart's desire.

There's my struggle. I do not wait patiently for my heart's desire. I don't think it will ever come. I don't think He will do it for me. Maybe I should take matters in my own hands? He doesn't care enough because He hasn't given it to me yet. I'm so full of myself. It's a different kind of pride attacking me - not the arrogant "I'm the best" kind of pride. It's the opposite of that. It's the "I'm not worthy of any good thing" kind of pride. More quiet perhaps, but just as deadly.

That's as far as I've gotten in the book. She got through the desert and ascended the Precipice of Injury. She's about to go into the Forest of Danger and Tribulation. She's learning many things. She's learning about acceptance with Joy. She's learning to accept Sorrow and Suffering. I'm so much like her - much afraid of giving up myself and leaning on the Shepherd. My pastor gave me hope and comfort on Sunday. He said that spiritual growth is slow. We live in a culture where everything is based on speed. We want it now and usually we get it now. Spiritual growth is not like that. You don't really see it happening. He compared it to watching children grow. We could stare at them for days, but we won't see it happen.

Just remember, it does happen. It takes effort and trust and work. But it does happen.