My counselor is having me think about my thinking. I spend so much of my time believing Satan's lies. She's having me fill out a worksheet type thing to help me change my way of listening to Satan and instead turning to God's truth.
I filled out my first one today. I don't know how to explain it all - well, I probably could but don't want to take the time right now. Basically it's looking deeply at the automatic thoughts that I have. I have to take those automatic thoughts (all the negative crap I say to myself in my head) and realize that they are lies from Satan. Those automatic thoughts lead to core beliefs. (Some core beliefs are great while others need to go!) Then I have to pick a correlating truth from God's word that shows how wrong the lie is.
This is just plain secular counseling/psychology. The Christian counselor just adds the Christian step to it - finding God's truth.
For example, one negative/automatic thought I had today led me to a core belief that I'm not valuable. That's nothing new; you've all heard that from me if you've read here for very long. The I'm not valuable core belief is a load of crap. It's a lie that Satan uses to keep me from living fully. (Of course that's easy to say - I know it in my head. I'm working on keeping it in my heart.) The next step is to find God's truth. So I was reading through the list that she gave me. One said "I am Christ's friend." (John 15:15) You know that teary/overwhelmed/filled with the Spirit kind of feeling that overtakes you sometimes when a real truth comes to life? The simple thought that I am Christ's friend just filled me up. Jesus, He's a pretty incredible guy, right? And He calls me friend? Do you know how amazing that is? I am important enough for Him to call me friend. I have value - even if the whole world is against me.
I'M CURED!
No, just kidding. It'll take a lot more of that to permanently change my thinking. But it's a start.
The other thing that was cool about Monday's meeting - we talked about my desire to be married again. I said something about what if God's plan is that I never marry again? She very simply said she doubts that is true. If the desire is there so deeply to be married again, then it's probably from Him and it will happen. But I've got to stop trying to fill that spot with a man. I've got to give that spot to Him and let Him keep it. I don't know what it was about her saying the same thing that everyone else has been saying, but it just filled me with utter peace. Will that peace last forever? Probably not.
But it's a start.
(Oh yeah - a new Star Wars book came out today! Yippee!)
1 comment:
That's a familiar exercise for me! My counsellor used to call it "stinkin' thinkin'" and said that I have to re-record the tapes I play in my mind with God's truth. And, although you've heard many times from people who love that we all believe God intends for you t be married again, it helps to hear it from a "third party" person who is strictly there to help you see the truth so you can lead the life God intends. This is awesome! Thanks so much for sharing your journey - and one of the most amazing, awesome miracles you'll ever experience is when you see that your actual instinctual thoughts HAVE change, and you start protecting those new aspects of who you are!
Love you!!!
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