Big thing in counseling today. I'm not sure what to say. But I realized a lie I've been believing for a long time - a loooooong time. You know I'm adopted. (And if you didn't, surprise!) My counselor has been saying the last few weeks that adults who were adopted as children have issues with being adopted. I assured her that I had no such issues. Nope. Not me. I was special because I was chosen. I was wanted by my parents. The birth mom knew it was a better life for me. She did the right thing. I have no issues with being adopted.
You know what came out today? I have issues with being adopted.
I said I was a mistake. The tears that came (that I still wouldn't let all the way out) were weirdly comforting. I never really knew that I thought that, but the moment I said it out loud, I knew it was the truth. I was a mistake.
The thing is - God doesn't make mistakes, does He? God isn't surprised. God didn't gasp in shock and say, "Holy Crap! How'd that girl get there?" (Did you ever think about how God really is the only one who can truly say holy crap? Sorry. That just gave me the giggles. Can you see Him saying that? And no, Ann, I'm not trying to change the subject.)
So I'm still trying to process it all, but I thought I'd share. I'm not a mistake. I'm not.
Amazing.
4 comments:
You were absolutely not a mistake. Know how I know? Because you have a way of saying things that touch me deeply.
God made you for many, many reasons and one of those is to inspire the people who read what you write out here. I'm sure you have blog stalkers that never comment that you are helping with your honest and candid discussions. Just remember that not only are you working through your own issues, but you are helping and making a difference for other people, too, whether you realize it or not.
God bless you, Erin. Thank you for sharing so willingly.
Beautifully said Amy. I won't try to say more. Amy said it perfectly. I couldn't agree more.
Love you Erin!!!! I really do.
Thanks you guys. Amy - you made me tear up. :-)
Adopted? Me too. Somewhere along the line (about 8 or 9 yrs old) I was told about it. My only comment to my Mom and Dad was, can I go back outside now and play with my dog? Maybe I did not understand the "significance" of it or was too young to think about it that deeply at the time, but what I did know was that I was loved and loved plenty. I never needed for love. I was loved more than any of my friends were. And today, well my Dad is gone, but he loved me till his last day, and my Mom loves me still. And my wife of 40 years, and 2 daughters, and 4 grandangels, and tons of friends love me. And MOST important, God, His Son, and His Holy Spirit love me. Enough said. Too blessed.
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