Maybe he hasn't fallen into your lap because he's waiting for you to fall into his.I'm not really sure what you meant by that. How's that supposed to happen? Is it that he's waiting because the timing is off? He can't do anything yet - for whatever reason - he can't come to me. But when/if the timing is right, he'll make himself known so that I can fall into his lap? Of course, you probably would rather me not over-analyze your comment, but - it's what I do. Sorry. :-) I appreciate your anonymous comment and I'm not trying to draw you into a discussion so I can look for clues as to who you are. This has just rattled through my dreams all night. Partly because it's very circular and that drives me crazy. He's waiting for me, but I'm waiting for him, but he's waiting for me . . . . With all this waiting, we may never connect, you know?
I know, I know - timing.
Here's the question that kept coming to mind last night. If this man really exists, but the timing is off, can he just ask me to wait for him? No, I'm sure that's a stupid request since it is only to make life easier for me and probably harder for him. Never mind - I don't want that for him. Whoever he is, I don't want to add to his difficulties.
Like you said, timing is everything.
3 comments:
MAYBE - since we're speculating - God has "him" in a season of preparation and growth for you just as He is preparing and growing you for "him"... knowing the outcome isn't faith! Maybe neither of you are yet ready to receive God's best, or maybe He's still preparing you both to BE God's best for the other one... isn't it FUN? WOO HOO!
Fun? I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. :-) You are so wise though - I'm sure we are being prepared for each other so we can have the "mingling of souls" like I wrote about one time. I'm ready to experience that.
I'm sorry to keep you up in thought. When I wrote that comment, it was after I had been reading your blog and laying in bed for awhile, trying to figure out how I wanted to say what I wanted to say. I'm not trying to be cryptic. Timing is exasperating. If you miss, you feel like it's your fault. If he misses, you spend too much time wondering why you didn't wait. Very circular, like you said, and very tiring. I don't know the answer, Erin. All I know is that it doesn't matter if you're waiting and praying to God, or if you're waiting and wishing on a star - it feels the same. Sometimes the best thing to do is keep busy and let things take care of themselves. I am sure that is difficult when (as you said) you don't have your daughter around, and you aren't in your normal school-day environment. Maybe do more to put your agony in perspective than just write about it, maybe go volunteer at a soup kitchen or go visit random people in a hospital. Something to keep yourself busy and focused on why we're really here - to help and love each other.
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