Ask

I'm being bombarded left and right with verses about asking God for what you desire. Every time I open the Bible, I find something else. Every sermon I listen to tells me to ask. The last few books I've picked up have said something about asking God - never stop. When I give up hope, He brings someone into the picture that I haven't seen in a long time to remind me that the kind of guy I want is really out there. (Remember Jake? I haven't seen him in months and he's there to help park today. We go eat breakfast. He's amazing. Unfortunately, he's 20 years old! Amazing college boy buys me breakfast this morning - looks me in the eye - truly wants to know about me - not in a romantic way, just as a man of God who cares about others. Why can't I have one of my own? )

Psalm 145:16
"You open Your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing."

Psalm 145:19
"He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him. He hears their cry and saves them."

Proverbs 13:4
"The sluggard crawls and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied."

Proverbs 19:22a
"What a man desires is unfailing love. . . ."

Luke 11:5-13
Jesus tells us to boldly ask for what we want.

Luke 18:1-8
Jesus tells a parable of a widow annoying a unjust judge until he gives her what she asks for. God, who is just, will most certainly give to those who love Him.

So here's my question - what am I doing wrong? I don't really want an answer because I think I know. Or maybe I don't know, but I do know that I don't want to hear your reason because I don't think I'll like it. Although, I highly doubt you'll be able to resist.

I know He prunes those He loves so that we will grow more fully. I know He disciplines His children to make us more like Him. I know that in my times of struggle, I am able to lean on Him more than in other times. I know when I'm lonely - He is always there. I think He is very much wooing me to give myself fully to Him. But all I want is for Him to take away what doesn't need to be there and He won't. So does it need to be there? Is it right? Because I immediately go to the thoughts of what's wrong with me? There has to be something.

I ask over and over for my desires. I ask over and over for my desire to be changed. Nothing happens. Why?

I'm sure this post needs more editing. I'm sure it sounds whiny and pathetic. But as I am in a whiny and pathetic mood, I guess it's OK. If nothing else, it is very honest. That's got to count for something.