What Others Think

I just started reading through Isaiah - very slowly. Pastor Matt said something about it a few weeks ago and I realized I've never read through the whole thing. So I read chapter 2 this morning.

Isaiah 2:22
Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he? (NIV)

Quit scraping and fawning over mere humans, so full of themselves, so full of hot air! Can't you see there's nothing to them? (MSG)

At home group last night, we had to share something that we have struggled with and how God got us through it or something that we are struggling with right now. I didn't know what to share. I started reading through my old journals (that's how I found my man list). There were so many times during my divorce when I was very panicked and hysterical. I wrote my prayers in my journal. I asked God to help me survive and you can see on the paper how the peace came over me. My handwriting would actually smooth out. I wrote many times that I could feel Him there with me. He would lead me to some scripture or some book or some radio show that would lead me to just the right scripture so that I could read His promises. Looking back - it was an amazing time.

Then we got into how I'm struggling with wanting to be a good Christian. I've always felt like I had to be good enough for people to like me. That's why I get quiet in a room full of people I don't know. That's why I have a hard time meeting new people. I constantly ask myself, "Why would they want to talk to me?" A very smart lady reminded me that it's pride. It's the opposite of what we usually think about the word pride. But it is pride. I'm still putting myself before Christ. My focus is not on Him - it's on me.

That's why I love the verses above in Isaiah. Why do I worry about what others think of me? I should focus on what God thinks of me. He loves me more fully than any human ever will. I'm working on letting His love be enough.

Huge ah-ha hitting me right this very second!

Read that last sentence again. I'm working. I. What the heck? I can't do it. I'm trying so hard to do it all by myself. I can't. I should be praying that God will help me.

Abba Father ~ please help me get rid of me. Here I am scurrying around like an ant trying to fix myself. How stupid. Lord, please take over. Kick me out of the driver's seat. But You won't do that, will You? I have to get out myself. OK - I'm scooting over. Can I sit in the middle so that I can feel You? Will You put Your arm around me? When I try to give You directions, will You please smile at me and remind me that I gave You control? I don't want to drive anymore God. I want to go where You want to take me. I just want to sit here and sing to You and make You laugh. Right now, I can't stop crying, but it's not because I'm sad, God. It's because You amaze me and overwhelm me. Thank You for loving me. It feels so good to not be driving at this very second. Please help me remember. I love You.