Like A Child

Why do we drift so far from God? Even when we know we're doing it, but can't seem to turn it back. Even when we know how horrible we feel - even when we know we're unhappy - we still step away from Him.

I go to the greatest church of all time. Our pastor is amazing - so very real. He reminded me of something on Sunday.

As parents, there are times we deny our children things. Maybe it's candy before dinner or a new toy. Maybe it's telling her to get out of the pool now or leave a friend's house. My pastor's example was telling your child not to walk on the back of the couch that's right in front of a big window. But you know how when you do it - when you say no - you get that look from your child like you are stealing her joy? Your child thinks you are the most heartless, awful person in the world. How could you deny your child this happiness? You deny her that happiness, because you, the parent, see the bigger picture. You want to increase her joy later in life. You know that candy before dinner is not healthy. You know that falling through a window brings huge pain. You know more than your child.

Is our Heavenly Father any less knowledgeable? He knows the window is dangerous. He knows you will be cut to ribbons if you fall through it. He knows if you date the wrong person - the pain will be almost unbearable. He knows these things will hurt, so He graciously denies us these things. We, the children, throw tantrums. I know I do. We can't see past right now.

I want to remember this lesson. Lord, help me remember. I've been so unhappy for the last month. Maybe I didn't know how unhappy I was until just recently, but my focus has been wrong and it's been wearing me down.

I have a problem. I think that I should be better than this. It reminds me of Anakin in Star Wars. (Go ahead and sigh. I don't blame you. I'm a freak!) Anakin tells Padme in Episode II that he killed all the Sand People - women and children too. He was consumed by anger. She tells him that being angry is being human. He says, "I am a Jedi. I can be better than this." I think somewhere in my brain I have a plaque that reads, "I am a Christian. I can be better than this." Maybe my expectations are too high? I think when I fail, I don't deserve to be taken back. Or I don't understand somehow why I am being given another chance. Or I don't get why He wants me back after I've let Him down so many times. Why does He still love me even when I screw up in the same way over and over? Does that make sense?

I had a friend that I wrote with a lot last year. He had a great way of pointing out - God's showing Erin that He loves her again. It was just cool. I'm not sure why I can't just get it. Then I get upset because I think I should be getting it by now and the whole cycle starts again. You fail people too many times and they don't love you any more. You don't get chances over and over again with humans. Why can't I get that God is different than that?

Yeah, I know - CALL THE COUNSELOR!