What's The Feeling?

Remember my recent downward spiral? So that happened last Saturday night and I wrote about it on Sunday. That Monday my counselor made me analyze exactly what was going on in my head when I started down that slippery slope. She made me describe the scene and then stopped me and asked me to look at my feelings. Could I remember them?

It's the first time I started to cry in counseling. It's funny how tough I think I have to be. I may be crying on the inside, but you'll not see it. You'll see me laughing. I wonder how many of you can see the tears under the laughter? Anyway, I digress....

The feeling I had could only be explained as an emptiness. I wasn't sure if that was the kind of word she was looking for, but that's the only way I could describe it. She told me to focus on the feeling so that I could recognize it next time. Then I could tell Satan I wasn't going to believe his crap any more.

Friday night I went to the Stars game with my good friend Rachel and her roommate. They were both in the front seat and I was in the back. Both of them were texting boys. I didn't have anyone to text and that feeling came roaring in - empty, empty, empty. All of a sudden, I recognized the feeling for what it was and quietly told Satan to get the hell out of the car! It was just kind of cool to realize what was coming and nip it before it got a hold of me. I prayed for a few minutes, asking God to keep me from believing Satan's lies.

Hopefully I'll continue to see it for what it is and not fall for the trap.