Abba Father -
I miss You. How can that be? You are right here all the time. It's me who turns the other way. I know my last few weeks have been full of trials, but why does that make me drift? I feel so lonely without Your constant presence, but the weird thing is that You're still here. It's me who is not. Is that why it is so strained between Elyssa and I? She's turning into a young woman before my eyes and I don't want to let go of my little baby. I want her to be too much like me and she's not me. She's not me at all. How do I let her be herself? Have I taught her the right things? Is there more that I should do? Is the divorce still hurting her in some way? She always cries when she comes home from her dad's but she won't really talk about it. What do I do?
Heal our hearts Lord. Heal us and make us whole.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Update
It's been a busy week. My 94 year old grandmother passed away on the 13th. We had her funeral on the 17th. It went really well. I started having abdomen pain that night. I knew it was serious somehow, but didn't want to go to the hospital down in Lake Jackson, Texas. So we drove home (7 hours) on the 18th and went straight to urgent care. They sent me straight to the hospital, which put me straight into surgery. I had to have my appendix out.
I was upset because I was supposed to leave for family camp with my church on the 20th. I actually got some tears when they told me I was going into surgery - not from the horrible pain I was in, but because I was going to miss family camp. When I was alone in radiology for a moment, I looked up and said, "God - I'm not sure why you're doing this, but I trust in You and Your plan and if You don't want me at family camp, then I'm not going." I got sent home on Saturday morning. They sure don't keep you in the hospital anymore for very long! I have a picture of my appendix, but I won't put it in here for you. I'm thinking the doctor gave it to me because Elyssa made me ask if we could just keep the appendix. I was glad he said no to that idea.
Monday morning my mom has to call 911 about my dad. I could go into the long details about his alcoholism, but I'll spare you. He went into the hospital on Monday afternoon. They are still doing tests on him, so we're not sure what's really going on. There were some blood pressure and blood sugar issues. He's been borderline diabetic for years, but won't take care of himself. I think there are some liver issues coming up now. I know he went a few days without drinking and then made up for it on the Friday I was in surgery. When I find out more, I'll let you know.
Please keep us in your prayers. We're all pretty messed up over here right now.
I was upset because I was supposed to leave for family camp with my church on the 20th. I actually got some tears when they told me I was going into surgery - not from the horrible pain I was in, but because I was going to miss family camp. When I was alone in radiology for a moment, I looked up and said, "God - I'm not sure why you're doing this, but I trust in You and Your plan and if You don't want me at family camp, then I'm not going." I got sent home on Saturday morning. They sure don't keep you in the hospital anymore for very long! I have a picture of my appendix, but I won't put it in here for you. I'm thinking the doctor gave it to me because Elyssa made me ask if we could just keep the appendix. I was glad he said no to that idea.
Monday morning my mom has to call 911 about my dad. I could go into the long details about his alcoholism, but I'll spare you. He went into the hospital on Monday afternoon. They are still doing tests on him, so we're not sure what's really going on. There were some blood pressure and blood sugar issues. He's been borderline diabetic for years, but won't take care of himself. I think there are some liver issues coming up now. I know he went a few days without drinking and then made up for it on the Friday I was in surgery. When I find out more, I'll let you know.
Please keep us in your prayers. We're all pretty messed up over here right now.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Books and the Duck Pond
Elyssa and I had a great day yesterday. We went to the library. I'd never taken her to the public library before - what's wrong with me? Oh, that's right. I was stuck at Barnes & Noble the past few years. With gas prices the way they are, we'll be going to the library more often. We had a great time! She loved it. We sat in there for a few hours just reading.
Then we went to feed the ducks. Our church put out a booklet thing for the summer with activities to do as a family with corresponding scripture. So we fed the ducks and then read Matthew 6:25-34 which tells us not to be anxious because look at how God takes care of the birds. It was awesome - great fun and awesome discussion about the things we worry about. Elyssa said it was the best day ever!
I found another book by the author of Eli. It's called The Wager. It's a modern day Job story. God and Satan make a bet about this movie star who is also a Christian. Satan does all this horrible stuff to the man. It's cool to read his struggle and see his rewards - a good reminder of the world's crap and God's wonderfulness. (Is that a word?)
Funny how I write about not being anxious as I sit here being anxious. I'm not really sure what it is exactly that I'm anxious about. I'm just feeling blah. Blah. I don't like myself right now but I'm not sure where that's coming from. I need to process through it, but all I want to do is go put a movie in so I don't have to think. Elyssa just went to her dad's too - maybe that's part of it?
Then we went to feed the ducks. Our church put out a booklet thing for the summer with activities to do as a family with corresponding scripture. So we fed the ducks and then read Matthew 6:25-34 which tells us not to be anxious because look at how God takes care of the birds. It was awesome - great fun and awesome discussion about the things we worry about. Elyssa said it was the best day ever!
I found another book by the author of Eli. It's called The Wager. It's a modern day Job story. God and Satan make a bet about this movie star who is also a Christian. Satan does all this horrible stuff to the man. It's cool to read his struggle and see his rewards - a good reminder of the world's crap and God's wonderfulness. (Is that a word?)
Funny how I write about not being anxious as I sit here being anxious. I'm not really sure what it is exactly that I'm anxious about. I'm just feeling blah. Blah. I don't like myself right now but I'm not sure where that's coming from. I need to process through it, but all I want to do is go put a movie in so I don't have to think. Elyssa just went to her dad's too - maybe that's part of it?
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