Maybe God doesn't want be referred to as cool, I'm not sure. But - God is cool!
Short story - I'm not sure how to be cryptic and I maybe kind of need to be. . . don't know. I'm not good at just referring to "something" that's going on and talk around it. I kind of have to just say it. But what if my words mess up something? And as I write that, I realize how stupid that is. If something is going to happen or not going to happen, I think God probably is in control of the situation. I'm doing my best to let Him handle this one.
OK - fine. I'll say it. It makes the story better anyway. (I said this was short and I'm turning it into one of my novels.)
Nope - can't do it. I just wrote and erased a big paragraph because as I was writing, "I'm letting God handle this one and not doing any of my usual scheming and planning," I realized in a way I wasn't letting God be in charge. What if someone new was reading this and realized the writing sounded very familiar? You know? Not that anyone new is going to read, but you just never know.
OK - so I'm being cryptic. Ugh. I don't like being cryptic! OK - short version - I was thinking about something as I was getting into my car. The first song on my iPod was a song by Jeremy Camp. The first line of lyrics that I heard was, "I will trust in You." It just made me smile. God was just telling me to continue letting Him be in charge of it all.
It was cool.
But I don't like writing in circles. Just so you know. But I'm going to let God be in charge. :-)
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
God is Good
Wow. I wrote that previous post before church and then was slammed multiple times by God on the way and during church. Awesome!
First was the Casting Crowns song Who Am I. There I am listening to the world, feeling lonely and unloved. In case you don't know the song:
We sin and never really feel the magnitude of it. He gave reasons why - we never make it personal. We feel like we are basically good people - we can always find someone who is less moral than ourselves. So we never really feel the weight of our sin pressing on us.
He referred to what CS Lewis called the intimate dance of community between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I'm not familiar with where this comes from, so forgive me if I butchered it. We are invited to be part of that Great Dance with the Trinity. We are invited to be in a deep personal relationship with our Savior. If that relationship is not primary in our lives, then all our other relationships suffer because of it. I've slacked off in making God first. He is enough for me. When I love Him first and most, then everything else works.
My singleness is God's plan for me. It is where He has me right now. And it's for His glory. I don't know how it's for His glory and I may never know. I may be single for the rest of my life - or (I pray for this) the right man for me will come along. But whatever it is, it is for His glory. Why do I forget that?
So my loneliness - the best way to remedy that would be to seek Him first and most.
First was the Casting Crowns song Who Am I. There I am listening to the world, feeling lonely and unloved. In case you don't know the song:
Verse 1Who am I? I am loved by God and He's all I need, all I will ever need. Then it was their song Voice of Truth. Which voice am I going to listen to?
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.
Verse 2
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
ChorusThen Matt's sermon was fantastic! First of all he starts with a huge Star Wars reference which just about made my day. He summarized all of Empire Strikes Back and talks about how it is the good guys getting beat up though out the entire movie and then the movie just ends. He said that's how his sermon was going to be today. I loved it. His little summary in 5 minutes was brilliant. But even more brilliant was the sermon. It was about our total depravity.
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
the Voice of Truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of Truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth
We sin and never really feel the magnitude of it. He gave reasons why - we never make it personal. We feel like we are basically good people - we can always find someone who is less moral than ourselves. So we never really feel the weight of our sin pressing on us.
He referred to what CS Lewis called the intimate dance of community between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I'm not familiar with where this comes from, so forgive me if I butchered it. We are invited to be part of that Great Dance with the Trinity. We are invited to be in a deep personal relationship with our Savior. If that relationship is not primary in our lives, then all our other relationships suffer because of it. I've slacked off in making God first. He is enough for me. When I love Him first and most, then everything else works.
My singleness is God's plan for me. It is where He has me right now. And it's for His glory. I don't know how it's for His glory and I may never know. I may be single for the rest of my life - or (I pray for this) the right man for me will come along. But whatever it is, it is for His glory. Why do I forget that?
So my loneliness - the best way to remedy that would be to seek Him first and most.
Lonely Again
Hello? Is there anyone out there? I've neglected you for so long, you may have left me forever. I can totally understand, but hope you still check back occassionaly.
I IM'd with an old friend from college last night. We reconnected on Facebook. We dated for awhile back in 1989-90, but I couldn't remember why we broke up. I felt somewhat weird talking to him - knowing that he's married now. But I had to ask! He said we broke up because I was stubborn. Stubborn? About what? He said I had standards. Ha. That was his nice way of saying I wouldn't sleep with him. I don't remember that at all! He said I probably just got sick of telling him no so we drifted apart. He said he's always respected that about me and has always remembered me fondly. I just think that's hilarious.
But it also got me thinking. I've said no all my life. I really have. I know why and I know it's right but . . . I don't even know what to say. There's no logical "but" to that. I know it was good to say no. I know I saved myself a lot of heartache. I know I was doing what God wants us to do. But . . . .
I've watched too many romances and seen too many images in the last few days - um, have you seen Hugh Jackman in Australia? The scene near the beginning where he's washing off in the middle of the outback? Wowza! It was one of those pause and rewind and pause and rewind kind of scenes. OK - sorry - getting off track. Then there is Hot Dad at school. I've got the bigest crush on him! Then there is the other hot dad from 2 years ago that I just can't seem to shake. My mind must just be in the gutter. But after talking to John last night - I'm lonely again. There - it's said. I'm lonely. I want somone. I'm tempted to take matters in my own hands. But fortunately not brave enough to do that.
I'm going to get ready for church. Maybe it will help. I'm tired of the loneliness.
I IM'd with an old friend from college last night. We reconnected on Facebook. We dated for awhile back in 1989-90, but I couldn't remember why we broke up. I felt somewhat weird talking to him - knowing that he's married now. But I had to ask! He said we broke up because I was stubborn. Stubborn? About what? He said I had standards. Ha. That was his nice way of saying I wouldn't sleep with him. I don't remember that at all! He said I probably just got sick of telling him no so we drifted apart. He said he's always respected that about me and has always remembered me fondly. I just think that's hilarious.
But it also got me thinking. I've said no all my life. I really have. I know why and I know it's right but . . . I don't even know what to say. There's no logical "but" to that. I know it was good to say no. I know I saved myself a lot of heartache. I know I was doing what God wants us to do. But . . . .
I've watched too many romances and seen too many images in the last few days - um, have you seen Hugh Jackman in Australia? The scene near the beginning where he's washing off in the middle of the outback? Wowza! It was one of those pause and rewind and pause and rewind kind of scenes. OK - sorry - getting off track. Then there is Hot Dad at school. I've got the bigest crush on him! Then there is the other hot dad from 2 years ago that I just can't seem to shake. My mind must just be in the gutter. But after talking to John last night - I'm lonely again. There - it's said. I'm lonely. I want somone. I'm tempted to take matters in my own hands. But fortunately not brave enough to do that.
I'm going to get ready for church. Maybe it will help. I'm tired of the loneliness.
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