Strangely Normal

You know what I did tonight? It was so weird, but great too. I watched a movie with my family. That doesn't sound weird to you? Let me give you some background. My brother recently got out of jail. He's been home for 2 weeks after being gone for about 6 years. It's weird to have a brother again. Elyssa is at her dad's, so Riley and I went to Blockbuster and rented The Bucket List. I looked around the living room as we got comfortable to watch the movie and realized this is the first time in 10 years or more that the four of us did anything together. It was weird. And it was fantastic! I didn't realize how big of a hole there was in our family. Looking back now, I can really see it. There was a gaping hole. It is such a normal activity - watching a movie with your family. It was nice to have some normal.

My dad has not had anything to drink in the two weeks Riley has been home. He has actually been smiling again. It's so strange. He was laughing at midnight! I can't remember the last time he's been up past 9:00.

I like having my family back together again. Thank you, Abba Father, that you have restored my family. Help us to stay strong for each other.

Overwhelmed

I love my job. I really do. But going back to work after being off for almost 3 months is killing me! We've got so many new things to do and no time to do it. Seriously. We have about 7 hours in the school day. Lunch and recess is almost an hour. Then specials is another 45 minutes. And we have to do PE every day for 30 minutes. So, let's see. . . that leaves us about 4 hours 45 minutes to teach 6 hours worth of stuff every day. It's craziness! And they changed our math program this year - and I love it. I really do. But it's so hard getting used to something new. And the needy parents are about to kill me. They don't come to "meet the teacher" and then get all uptight that they don't know what's going on in my room and that I don't know their children inside and out in the 2 weeks that I've had them! They assume the worst and become aggressive instead of just talking to me. It's so annoying. I put a stop to that one though. I worried about it a bit at first "oh no, they don't like me!" and then realized that I've taught for 15 years and I'm good at what I do. They need to get a life and realize I want what is best for their child too. They'll learn soon enough.

I feel like I'm losing myself sometimes. I feel like I should be doing more. I'm exhausted and want to sleep. But I had to get the kitchen cleaned up and now I'm sitting here writing instead of grading those darn papers that are already piling up. Plus, I need to make my healthy lunch and just don't want to. I doubt Elyssa is asleep yet. So it'll be another grumpy morning. I'm more grumpy than her sometimes.

Exercise? What exercise? With the dang knee giving me problems, I'm not getting much done. I went to the knee doctor and he says I have arthritis. ARTHRITIS! I'm 37 years old. He said we have to treat this aggressively or I'll be having a total knee replacement by the time I'm 50. Then I sat back and thought - HOLY CRAP! 50 is only 13 years away. Oh My Goodness! 13 years is like a blink of the eye. So I got the MRI done yesterday and will meet with him on the 23rd to see if there's also some tears in my cartilage. So surgery is still most likely in my future. I'm OK with that. As long as I can finish paying off my appendix, my new teeth and Elyssa's orthodontics. Sigh.

I'm moving far away from my time with God. I miss Him again. So where are my priorities? How to meet them when life gets in the way? I don't want to be so wrapped up in my life that I'm not living for Him.

And I miss my dog. We got his ashes back. I'm not ready to bury or sprinkle them. We have a little Hobbes shrine in the living room with his ashes in a cedar chest and his collar laid on top of it with a picture of him. Such a sweet dog. I still look for him or think about if he's keeping dry when it's raining while I'm at school. It takes a second to remember. . . . We will have to get another dog pretty soon. I miss having a dog here when I get home.

Thanks for letting me vent. I've got to sleep at some point!

My Family

We're all together again. Mom, Dad, brother Riley, Elyssa and me.

(and I realize I miss my long hair - growing it out again!)

Hobbes

11/24/97 - 9/2/08

Rest in peace my sweet friend. You have been the most amazing dog. You've been there with me through the best of times (birth of Elyssa) and the worst of times (divorce) - never complaining, always right by my side. I love you and will miss you terribly.