The time of brunch was changed to 12:30 so now I can go! Finally - the chance to really talk and see if I'm still as interested.
Yea!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Pursuit
I've made a decision (because of some wonderful friends who reminded me.) I am not going to do anything. That's kind of a funny decision. Usually that's the wrong one! But this time it is the right choice. His job, as a Godly man, is to do the pursuing. My job, as a Godly woman, is to not pursue.
BUT - all I want is to get to know him more, right? Not too much to ask, in my opinion. A perfect opportunity arises! His home group and my home group are going to get together on Sunday. Can you imagine my excitement when I got that email? It's been in the works for a few months. We wanted to get some guys and gals together and talk about Godly relationships and all that jazz. You know, just to get the other side's perspective on the whole thing. Awesome, right?
I'm working show control at church. If they meet at 11, as was suggested, I won't be able to go. It's disappointing. It's weird. It's annoying!
Ugh!
BUT - all I want is to get to know him more, right? Not too much to ask, in my opinion. A perfect opportunity arises! His home group and my home group are going to get together on Sunday. Can you imagine my excitement when I got that email? It's been in the works for a few months. We wanted to get some guys and gals together and talk about Godly relationships and all that jazz. You know, just to get the other side's perspective on the whole thing. Awesome, right?
I'm working show control at church. If they meet at 11, as was suggested, I won't be able to go. It's disappointing. It's weird. It's annoying!
Ugh!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Let God Write My Love Story
Heart issues always seem to get me writing again, don't they?
So I met a guy from my church many moons ago - I swear it's been over a year. He's a friend of one of my friends. I've been interested in him since then. I'd see him around but never speak to him. You know me and my issues - I didn't think I was important enough to be remembered. (Hopefully I've grown a little since then.) Anyway, I've never said anything to anyone about him. Just in the back of my mind, I was interested.
Jump to this past July. We were supposed to go to Family Camp. I was super excited because finally I'd get to talk to him and find out more about him. I was just intrigued enough to want to know more. We were all going to drive together so I just figured at some point, we'd be in the car for hours together and I'd finally get to know some things! Then he wasn't able to go. I was bummed. Then it ends up that I had to get my appendix out, so I didn't go either.
Jump to tonight. I was asked by my home group buddies to go to this thing - hear a missionary speak - and this guy was the one who organized it. Finally! I'd be in a small setting and I'd get to talk to him! After a year of being interested, I think I deserve to at least know a little about him. Well, I didn't get to talk to him very much. We listened to the missionary and then talked very briefly. But now it's gone from being interested to full blow attraction. There's just something about him. . . .
Anyway, now what? My friend reminded me that God's perfect timing always works. I agree. I know that to be truth. I joked with her about not being able to talk to him, but in all honesty, I am very disappointed. I just want to talk to him. That's it. It's not much. So what is God waiting for? I'm tired of waiting, but want to let God do it all. But now I've got this attraction that doesn't have anywhere to go! And I want to scheme. You know - push it, pull it, figure out how to finagle something. But I also don't want to scheme because I want to want what God wants! It's just so dang hard.
Sigh.
So I met a guy from my church many moons ago - I swear it's been over a year. He's a friend of one of my friends. I've been interested in him since then. I'd see him around but never speak to him. You know me and my issues - I didn't think I was important enough to be remembered. (Hopefully I've grown a little since then.) Anyway, I've never said anything to anyone about him. Just in the back of my mind, I was interested.
Jump to this past July. We were supposed to go to Family Camp. I was super excited because finally I'd get to talk to him and find out more about him. I was just intrigued enough to want to know more. We were all going to drive together so I just figured at some point, we'd be in the car for hours together and I'd finally get to know some things! Then he wasn't able to go. I was bummed. Then it ends up that I had to get my appendix out, so I didn't go either.
Jump to tonight. I was asked by my home group buddies to go to this thing - hear a missionary speak - and this guy was the one who organized it. Finally! I'd be in a small setting and I'd get to talk to him! After a year of being interested, I think I deserve to at least know a little about him. Well, I didn't get to talk to him very much. We listened to the missionary and then talked very briefly. But now it's gone from being interested to full blow attraction. There's just something about him. . . .
Anyway, now what? My friend reminded me that God's perfect timing always works. I agree. I know that to be truth. I joked with her about not being able to talk to him, but in all honesty, I am very disappointed. I just want to talk to him. That's it. It's not much. So what is God waiting for? I'm tired of waiting, but want to let God do it all. But now I've got this attraction that doesn't have anywhere to go! And I want to scheme. You know - push it, pull it, figure out how to finagle something. But I also don't want to scheme because I want to want what God wants! It's just so dang hard.
Sigh.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Down in the Pit
I'm so very much not myself right now. I'm just full of anger and kind of hatred towards the world. What's up with that? I'm taking it out on my dog, my daughter, myself. It just sucks.
I'm overwhelmed with school. It's not very fun right now. And then when I have a moment of fun, someone comes along to steal it from me. Like when another teacher sends an email about not giving paperwork and cc's the principal! Like I'm a three year old and need to be tattled on? That makes no sense to me. Ask me for it. Maybe - just maybe - I forgot. And I have to turn in lesson plans again. I've been teaching for 15 years - seriously? The district is making me prove that I know how to plan? I'm not one of those slackers. I ALWAYS do lesson plans. Why the extra micro-management? And the state who keeps telling us more and more to do but never gives us more time. So now I'm teaching surface level science and social studies and I HATE that. I want to dig deep into things and spend time on them, but now it's like just get it hit so we can move on. I don't want to be a complainer, but here I am dumping it all out.
I'm overwhelmed with my home. It's a mess. It makes me feel crazy. I can't exercise like I want because of my knee. That makes me feel fat.
I know this attitude problem is that I haven't done SQUAT on building my relationship with God. I've left Him way behind me. This is what happens when I don't put Him in the front - my life falls apart. My world becomes dark and gray. My world becomes a pit that I feel like I will never climb to the top of it again. I'm in the pit guys. Anyone got a lifeline to toss my way?
That's a crazy question - I know my Lifeline. I just have to reach for it.
I'm overwhelmed with school. It's not very fun right now. And then when I have a moment of fun, someone comes along to steal it from me. Like when another teacher sends an email about not giving paperwork and cc's the principal! Like I'm a three year old and need to be tattled on? That makes no sense to me. Ask me for it. Maybe - just maybe - I forgot. And I have to turn in lesson plans again. I've been teaching for 15 years - seriously? The district is making me prove that I know how to plan? I'm not one of those slackers. I ALWAYS do lesson plans. Why the extra micro-management? And the state who keeps telling us more and more to do but never gives us more time. So now I'm teaching surface level science and social studies and I HATE that. I want to dig deep into things and spend time on them, but now it's like just get it hit so we can move on. I don't want to be a complainer, but here I am dumping it all out.
I'm overwhelmed with my home. It's a mess. It makes me feel crazy. I can't exercise like I want because of my knee. That makes me feel fat.
I know this attitude problem is that I haven't done SQUAT on building my relationship with God. I've left Him way behind me. This is what happens when I don't put Him in the front - my life falls apart. My world becomes dark and gray. My world becomes a pit that I feel like I will never climb to the top of it again. I'm in the pit guys. Anyone got a lifeline to toss my way?
That's a crazy question - I know my Lifeline. I just have to reach for it.
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