Lonely Again

Hello? Is there anyone out there? I've neglected you for so long, you may have left me forever. I can totally understand, but hope you still check back occassionaly.

I IM'd with an old friend from college last night. We reconnected on Facebook. We dated for awhile back in 1989-90, but I couldn't remember why we broke up. I felt somewhat weird talking to him - knowing that he's married now. But I had to ask! He said we broke up because I was stubborn. Stubborn? About what? He said I had standards. Ha. That was his nice way of saying I wouldn't sleep with him. I don't remember that at all! He said I probably just got sick of telling him no so we drifted apart. He said he's always respected that about me and has always remembered me fondly. I just think that's hilarious.

But it also got me thinking. I've said no all my life. I really have. I know why and I know it's right but . . . I don't even know what to say. There's no logical "but" to that. I know it was good to say no. I know I saved myself a lot of heartache. I know I was doing what God wants us to do. But . . . .

I've watched too many romances and seen too many images in the last few days - um, have you seen Hugh Jackman in Australia? The scene near the beginning where he's washing off in the middle of the outback? Wowza! It was one of those pause and rewind and pause and rewind kind of scenes. OK - sorry - getting off track. Then there is Hot Dad at school. I've got the bigest crush on him! Then there is the other hot dad from 2 years ago that I just can't seem to shake. My mind must just be in the gutter. But after talking to John last night - I'm lonely again. There - it's said. I'm lonely. I want somone. I'm tempted to take matters in my own hands. But fortunately not brave enough to do that.

I'm going to get ready for church. Maybe it will help. I'm tired of the loneliness.