its like the blog you wrote about your daughter and how there will come a time when she doesn't want to or doesn't have time to curl up on your bed and read a book. God is preparing you for a life that includes a partner and this time with God that you have - just you and Him is SO precious and wonderful - and though the relationship won't go away, the undivided attention and time you have to ponder it and learn and trust and enjoy is so brief!
I almost didn't put the Read to Me post in here, because it didn't seem to really fit with my purpose, but I thought it was sweet, so in it went. And there goes God, in His amazing perfect timing, slipping another teachable moment into my life. Can it be that that simple? This is God's time with me, just like this is my time with Elyssa? He's my Father. He wants to be with me. Guess how much time I spend complaining and feeling sorry for myself because I want human (male) companionship right now? I'm causing God pain because I'm wasting time instead of growing closer to Him. My friend Jana said something like this before. Something about how this is my time to be single and I shouldn't waste it. It kind of hit me deep then, but time passes and memory fades. Why is it so hard to be happy in this season of my life? I guess we are inundated with the worldly view of love that we lose sight of God's plan. I've spent the last few weeks developing a new definition of friendship in my mind. It takes more effort to develop friends than to develop dates, but it is so much more meaningful and worthwhile. Yes, to be honest, I slip up and let my mind wander down the wrong path - a lot. But, I'm catching myself much more quickly.
I was listening to a podcast from The Village Church again. (It's on itunes - check it out). It was a 3 part sermon on (gasp) sex and it was so powerful. I apologize if this is too much for anyone, but it opened my eyes. The pastor explained three Hebrew words for love: Raham, Ahavah and Dowd. (Here's the teacher in me coming out. I know you want to know how to pronounce them correctly so it's rah-hahm, ah-hah-vah, and dode.) Raham is companionship, nothing sexual. It's where you learn the good and bad about someone and continue to be friends. You realize they aren't perfect, but you still want to get to know them. Ahavah is the tough one and still not sexual. It's when you say to the other person, "I'm NOT going anywhere!" You accept the good and the bad and NOTHING will make you leave. This is the person you will be happy to fight with for the rest of your life. (Quick quiz - who knows my ex? Did he have a bit of Ahavah for me?) Dowd is the sexual one and was described as "a mingling of souls." Wow. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to have the first two to truly have the last one. Our world today skips over the first two completely. That's one thing that makes it so hard to be single in these days - or a pure-minded single anyway. How can I say this without embarrassing myself or you? Oh who cares - if you're reading this, more than likely you know this about me already so it's OK. I have not and will not do the "dowd" until I'm married, but I think that was my aim. Does that make sense? Too much honesty for everyone? Sorry. (And can we all briefly laugh about "do the deed" and "do the dowd?" Funny, right? Am I the only one laughing? Back to serious. . . .) I didn't consciously realize that the first two types of love had to come first. The Raham and Ahavah take SO MUCH WORK and I wanted to whip through them quickly and get married. God's plan doesn't work like that. I want to be in line with God's plan, which sums up why I'm trying to develop friendships and not relationships. Make sense?
God, again - continue to give me the strength to stay on Your path. And God? Thanks for giving me such great friends. I wouldn't be me without them.
Love you guys!
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