The Right Thing (Part 3)

You know how Abraham had to pass a test to prove his love of God? In Genesis 22, God commands Abraham to sacrifice his only son. He does it. He raises his hand to kill his only son and hears an angel of the Lord. Verse 12: "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

I am in NO WAY trying to say that my test was anywhere in the same universe as Abraham's. But right now, I feel like I passed a small test. I feel like God asked me to do something and I did it. He asked me to give up something because it had the opportunity to be wrong. I had to prove my willingness to do the right thing. I didn't have to do it for very long. I think an entire 7 hours went by before I felt led by Him to repair the situation. But I really think that God blessed and honored my willingness to follow Him. I think that the friendship I was willing to give up will now be even stronger and will be completely right.

Of course the temptation to turn the friendship in the wrong direction will be there, but I rely on God's strength to help me with that. He knows what He's doing.

Jeremiah 17:5-10
This is what the Lord says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve."

Jeremiah 29:11-14
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. . . ."

The Right Thing (Part 2)

Christian Friendship in the Bible:

2 Peter 1:5-9
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And from our friend C.S. Lewis:

Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.

Abba Father - thank You for the friends You have placed in my life. May I always treat them with kindness and love. May I always respect their thoughts and feelings. May I always be a helper; never a stumbling block. Let Your love shine through me to them - always.

A New Church

I am going to join The Village. This is how I know God approves of my plan:

I was filling out the visitor card and was writing on the back how I feel lost at Prestonwood. They started doing some baptisms, so I stopped writing. But I wanted to write how I just wanted a home. I wanted to belong. I wanted to serve at a place where people know me.

After the baptisms, the pastor - Matt Chandler - asked for all the members to stand up. Then, as a congregation, they welcomed the new members HOME. He went on and on about how this church is their home and he is so glad they are there.

To me, this was God's way of saying, "Here is your new home Erin. Dig down, put your roots here and I will be with you."

His Hands

2 Corinthians 1:20
For no matter how many promises God has made,
they are "Yes" in Christ.

We had communion at The Village tonight. I've never been emotionally moved by communion before. To me it was a symbol - but I don't think I really understood the symbol. I mean, I got it in my head, but not my heart. The pastor used the verse above to explain communion.

When we eat and drink, by faith we are saying Christ is enough. In our pursuit of Him, by faith our hearts (bad desires) will change. It is a celebration of His return.

He asked us to think of what promises God has made that we need to make "yes" in Christ. He asked us to pray and meditate while the servers were passing out the bread and juice. I turned in my Bible to Psalm 37 again. Have you read it? Really read it with a spirit of "God teach me - tell me - be with me" kind of attitude? We all have things that weigh us down in this world. This blog kind of shows where my struggle lies. But everyone has something. I focused on just the first 8 verses in Psalm 37. It's the promise that I want made "yes" in Christ. Sometime, when you can be alone and really pray for God to speak to you - read it.

Verse 4 - Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Really God? My desires? You will give me what I long for? You care about what my heart desires?

Verse 5 - Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this:

My God - I will trust in You always. You've proven Yourself to me over and over again.

Verse 6 - He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

My righteousness? My righteousness will shine like the sun?
Yes, Erin - because of the Son!

Verse 7 - Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. . . .

Abba Father - I am waiting - not always patiently, but more patiently than before.

Just listen to those promises! Such overwhelming peace do they bring to me. I'm overcome.

This seems like a big change in subject - but indulge me for a second. I have always been fascinated with the hands of men. It is one of my favorite parts of the body. They can be so strong. They can be so tender. They can be so protective. They can be folded in prayer. It's the strength that I see in a man's hands first. I guess that's just my "protect me" inner voice crying out. What I pictured tonight during communion was Christ's hands - reaching toward me. His hands would be stronger than any earthly man's hands. I wasn't picturing the holes in His hands - although now I am. I could just see His hands - they are for me. I want that strength to be holding me. Then I thought of how strong His arms would be. I can't wait for His arms to be around me either. Think of the safety. Think of the peace. Think of the love.

Jesus - my Savior. You are the most perfect Man for me. Let me remember Your love. Let me be Yours - for always.

The Right Thing

Doing the right thing sucks.

I get in my car to drive home after a super long day pretending to be OK and stick in Third Day. Why does God always have to speak to me? Every time? I'm not allowed to wallow in the crappy place? He won't let me be there alone for any length of time.

Tunnel

I won’t pretend to know what you’re thinking
I can’t begin to know what you’re going through
I won’t deny the pain that you’re feeling
But I’m gonna try and give a little hope to you

Just remember what I’ve told you
There’s so much you’re living for

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin’ bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin’ on

You’ve got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see

So remember what I’ve told you
There’s so much you’re living for

And then the third song:

Cry Out to Jesus:
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

Thank you, Abba Father, for not letting me be alone - ever.

Psalm 37:4

So I went to biblegateway.com and did a topical search for the word patience. There's patience relating to agriculture, anger, long-suffering and then waiting. I think to myself, "yeah - that's what I'm lookin' for." It says to go to Psalms 37. I think, "cool" and merrily turn in my Bible to Psalm 37, not recognizing the chapter at all. And there it is with a big box around it:

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Instant tears in my eyes. I don't know if God could speak to me more plainly if He appeared before me right now and spoke out loud.

I don't know how or when He will give me the desires of my heart, but I'm just going to trust Him that He knows what He's doing.

A Place to Belong

I had a friend "scold" me for not writing in a long time. (Christy - please know I didn't really feel scolded. I don't want to hurt any feelings.) My only explanation is that this has not been the right place for what I've wanted to write about lately. So I've been writing in private elsewhere. Sorry to all my readers - all 2 of you? Maybe there are 4? Funny.

I don't know what characterizes someone as a writer. I've had a couple of my friends tell me that they wish they could write like I do. I honestly don't think I have any special talent. I just know that I can organize my thoughts and be so much more clear when I write. I don't know what it is about writing that is so freeing for me. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with the need to write, but I don't really have a topic to write about. That's kind of how I'm feeling at this moment. I want to write - I have things tumbling around and around in my head and in my heart and they just want to be free. But it's just stuff - nothing Earth shattering or mind blowing. It's just regular stuff. But it wants out. I want to write poetry too, not rhyming stuff - the other kind. I actually wrote one yesterday. It's good too. But I can't share it here. Sorry. It's really good too. But too private at this time. Maybe someday. Maybe I should stop referring to the stuff that I can't write about here and move on. (These aren't the droids you're looking for. He can go about his business. Move along. Move along.)

There is one thing that I've been noticing lately. It just seems that God keeps showing me in little ways how much He loves me. It might be a song or something in the CS Lewis book I'm reading or a story I'm reading to my class at school. Were these signs always there before and I was just blind to them? The most recent song was sent to me by my friend Christy. It's by Third Day and is called Rise Up. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with His love for me. I was going to link the lyrics, but can't figure out how to do that. Maybe you can copy and paste: http://www.christianrocklyrics.com/thirdday/riseup.php

The story I was referring to is called You are Special by Max Lucado. I've read it a ton but kind of forgot that the entire point of the book is that God loves me just the way I am. I almost got tears in my eyes at school and immediately wanted to go into a Christian mini-lesson with my kids. I couldn't do that, of course, but did pray that some of the kids would get it on their own.

I got overwhelmed at church last night too, which finally brings us around to the title of this post. We were singing something, I wish I could remember now, and tears just welled up in my eyes. I just felt so loved. It's a cool feeling to be overwhelmed by God's love in the middle of a crowd of strangers. (I was in the middle of a pew all alone. No one sits by me. Why is that? I must have a big flashing neon sign that says "Don't sit by this one." I'm going off on a tangent here, but it's true. 9 times out of 10, if I am alone, no one will come sit in the same pew as me. The same pew, people! They are big pews. Am I scary? It could start to give me a complex, but I'm not too worried about it. They will sit in the pew I'm in if Elyssa is with me, but never just me alone. Somebody needs to let me know if I'm putting off some horrible signal. OK - I'll stop ranting now. Back to God's overwhelming love - - ) My eyes filling with tears happens to me a lot when I let my guard down while singing in church. I love it when that happens - but don't really want to cry in church every time. Actually I don't mind crying. I just wish I had Kleenex with me. At The Village, they put boxes of Kleenex under the seats. Kind of cool, don't you think?

Prestonwood is growing and I'm not sure I like that. Not true - I am sure now that I don't like it at all. They are already huge but now the focus is building a north campus satellite church. It seems to me that every other word out of everyone's mouth is Beyond All Limits - building the North Campus. I feel like I'm getting lost in the crowd. I don't see any of the people I used to see up there. So I'm looking for a new church. And that's when I begin to feel guilty. Am I running away when I shouldn't be? I still feel God when I walk into that place. I know He is there and is the cause behind all the growth. I've just never felt like an important part of the church. I want to be counted on and relied upon and personally asked to help because someone knows who I am. Is that just pride? I'm supposed to just offer, right? I don't know. So is it OK to know that God is doing great things at Prestonwood and not want to be a part of it? That's where I get confused. Maybe I haven't really prayed about it enough. I don't know.

I've visited The Village twice. I love it. It's smaller - the service is packed - they turn the lights down low and have candles lit during the singing and sermon. The preacher is young and says things like "freakin." He's just real - really really real and I love that. He teaches from the Bible - one time we went through 3 or 4 different passages and he connected them together. Sometimes it seems like other pastors focus on a fraction of a verse. He said that he doesn't want to build a building like Prestonwood - with a fitness center and restaurant and all that stuff. He feels like people should go out to other places so they can be a light in the darkness. He wasn't doggin' Prestonwood - it's just different ways to worship. The Village has 5 services now. He said he'll just keep adding services if need be instead of building a bigger building. The Village is farther away than I wanted to drive, but I love it.

I want a place to belong. I know I have to put more effort into belonging - it doesn't just land in my lap. But am I wrong to leave one church just because I don't like the size of it?

What Does God Think of You Right Now?

I finally visited The Village. I've been feeling that Prestonwood is just getting too big. I liked The Village - I really felt God there. (I felt kind of old too - lots of 20 somethings.) The pastor asked at one point how we think God feels about us at this very minute. My mind went immediately to all the things I've done wrong lately; how I've failed Him. I thought also that maybe He was somewhat pleased at how hard I was trying to stay on His path. The pastor's point was that, because of Christ, what God feels every minute of every day for eternity is LOVE for us.

I asked my friend Jeff what he thought. What he wrote touched my heart:

I think God sees so much more of me than I know about myself. In fact, He sees everything I know about myself, and everything I do not. He sees everything I've forgotten about myself. He sees everything that I will do, but had no idea I could or would. He knows the little kid me, the current man me, the old feeble running out of days on this planet me, and the me that He's welcoming into eternity. So, I really don't know what He thinks of me, other than He loves me, and wants me to keep on moving and reaching for Him. Overall, I think He has more mercy for us than we have for ourselves. He knows how far along the path to Him we should be, and He knows how to handle us when we veer off course. We think we know when we're on the right track, but we are so limited, and distractable, blind. I'm just glad He's there, calling out to me, so I can at least attempt to move in His direction. I know He will make sure I'm OK. At least, I believe that He will (I hope). Otherwise all is lost.

Romans 8:15

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, "Abba, Father."

Abba Father, help us to remember how You love us.

Romans 8:35, 38-39

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Erin's Theme Song

Do you remember this commercial? Some guy is sitting on a bench and a lady walks up and he says, "What's that?" She goes into some insurance explanation(or something - I remember a lion for some reason). The man says, while pointing another direction, "No - what's that?" We see a man walking (strutting actually) down the street and behind him is another guy carrying a huge jambox. Then the lady says, "That's a man with his own theme music."

I found a song, that I've had for a long time, but it just hit me with such power today. I listened to it over and over. I wanted to put the lyrics here, but if you can, listen to it. It's on iTunes.

Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)
Chris Rice

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live

The reason it moved me so much today is it just seems to be my life:

Come to Jesus & Sing to Jesus I became a Christian as a child.

Fall on Jesus I have said that the reason God allowed my divorce to happen is because He was jealous of where I had placed my love. He knocked my feet out from under me, but instead of falling apart, I fell toward Him and that made all the difference.

Cry to Jesus Right now I'm in a lonely stage of life and all He wants is for me to cry to Him.

So I have my love overflowing and truly dancing for Him to look forward to - and that's so cool! I don't think that's just a one time thing either. I believe I've danced for Him before and I believe this loneliness will pass and I'll be dancing for Him again. In fact, it seems that just acknowledging my loneliness and allowing God to reign there, seems to be making it decrease. Imagine that. Then, one day, I will fly to Him.

Psalm 34:17-18
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
He delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart.