Let me start by listing a few facts. Feel free to correct me if my facts are not true.
- The pharisees were rule followers and they were wrong.
- Christ loves me just as I am, not some future version of me.
- Christ died for my sins - all of them. Past, present and future.
- As a Christian, my purpose is to be more like Him.
- God knows I'm going to fail and still loves me.
So I guess my most basic question is: Do we have to fall in order to be strong?
I've been a rule-follower all my life. It's part of my people-pleasing nature. I just, for the most part, follow the rules. So am I living my life in order to please Jesus or am I just following the rules? Can you at all see what I mean? Let's get into a specific example that just lays it all out there. (Uh-oh. Here she goes again.)
I miss sex. I do. A lot. I miss kissing. I miss feeling a man's touch. (Ugh. Why is that so hard to say? I know I'm not the only one who thinks that.) Anyway, I haven't had sex with anyone since my divorce because it's against the rules. Am I not having sex because I'm keeping myself pure for Jesus? I mean, it's not like I've had a lot of offers, but it's been a struggle in the last few months. But I don't think I've said no because of Jesus so much as it's against the rules. Does that make sense? So do I have to fail in that specific example to really learn? I know that sounds dumb. Yes, Erin. Go have sex so that you'll learn it's not right. But can you understand at all what I'm saying?
I don't give myself the freedom to mess up because I don't want to mess up. I want to do what's right. Just because I will be forgiven, does not give me the right to abuse Christ's love. Paul says somewhere that His grace is not a free ticket to sin as we wish. But if I'm doing what's right for the wrong reasons, then am I really doing what's right? I've lost you I think. Jesus will still love me if I have sex. He has that much grace and mercy. But as a follower of Him, I'm to strive to be more like Him and do things for His glory. Having sex would not accomplish that so much. But again I ask, do I have to fail in order to know?
I don't want to be a rule follower with my relationship with Jesus. I want to experience the freedom that so many people say they have. But I can't figure out how to get there.
Please don't ridicule my example. I know I have a horrible dirty heart and that sin is not just actions - it's what we think too. I'm just using it to try to explain what's going on in my head. Is failure the only way to really and truly learn?
9 comments:
Wow - what an awesome blog. And what a complex question, but an amazing one... not one that I feel qualified to attempt to offer intelligent insight, but I LOVE your question. I wish I had something intelligent to say, but I don't... I just think your soul searching and honesty is awesome!
Thanks for saying that because this morning when I woke up I almost deleted the whole thing before anyone could read it.
Let me start by AGAIN saying I love you, and I know you know that. But, this blog really, really, displays significant confusion relating to God's Word. I promise to not launch into some great sermon, but I would challenge some of Your "facts."
First, just because the religious leaders were "rule keepers" does not mean that rule-keeping is wrong. Jesus said, "IF you love me, you will keep my commandments."
Jesus was a rule-keeper.
Second, it is true that we are LOVED right where we are right now, BUT if we are "in sin," we cannot be "in Christ." We may be LOVED, if we have not repented of our sin, we are not FORGIVEN. Willful sin, unrepented sin, and/or planned sin, stands between us and God.
Finally, to be, "more like (Christ) Him," we must be obedient. He was obedient, even to the cross. Our obedience is not to be to please men, BUT to be pleasing to God, BIG-BIG-BIG difference!
Thanks Jim. I do value your thoughts and opinions. And I hope the following doesn't come across as harsh or whatever. :-)
I don't think I'm confused about God's word - at least not in this instance. My thoughts were more on the "why" behind the obedience. Of course, I judge myself harshly - too harshly at times. I'm just looking deep to see why I do what I do. The Pharisees were following rules because they thought following rules was the way to God. Following rules is not the way so they were wrong in that respect. Does that make sense? I am looking deep in my heart to see if I can determine the WHY behind my obedience. Am I following rules or am I following Christ? I want to be sure I'm following Christ.
The other thing was how you said if someone hasn't repented, then he's not forgiven. Christ died once for all - all times, all instances, all sin past, present and future. It's over and done with. I am righteous and clean because of His death - no matter what. Isn't sin more of the blockage to being fully aligned with God? Like you said, it stands between us. But sin doesn't keep me apart from Him - just not as close as I could be. (Eph 4:32, Romans 8:1) Now I know of verses like 1 John 1:9 that talks about confessing our sins - my NIV says that confess in this case means to say the same things about sin as God does. I'm not saying that no one has to confess - we do - it's just if I die tonight before confessing some sin - I'm still forgiven, righteous and blameless in God's eyes because I have Christ there for me.
It seems that I have launched into a big sermon and hope that you don't take it as some young whipper-snapper not opening her ears. :-)
I did need to be reminded of Christ's obedience to the cross. My struggles are nothing to what He did for me. It's a good thing to remember.
You're on the right track, but do not let "confess" and "repent" become synonymous in your mind, they have very different meanings. Great care must be taken to insure that we do not somehow believe that we are "saved once and for all," and that somehow if we become unfaithful to God, He will allow us to do as we please (contrary to His will) and in the end save us. I recommend a session wherein you use the Bible and a large concordance, while you allow God's Holy Spirit to guide you to His Truth in the matter. This is how I study. I do not take the word of anyone else. And I "lean not on my own understanding," but open myself to the teaching of God. Again, you're on the right track, keep going. Love you!
I have to say that I also believe (by reading and studying the same reference) that once we've accepted Christ's sacrifice for our salvation, God has cleansed us from the judgment of our sin - all our sin.
We all sin and are technically unfaithful to God on a daily basis; if not a minute-by-minute basis in ways we don't even understand. That quick judgment we made without realizing it, the moment of pride (interpreted as joy) we had when we were able to acquire something someone else wanted - the pang of jealousy we felt when we were the "someone else" - it's all sin - all punishable by death and separation from God. I believe God knows our hearts and speaks to our hearts, responds to our hearts. We're clearly talking here about someone whose heart is with God and searching for God and in a place of forgiveness and grace under God's blessing. Not someone who has rejected God's offer of salvation and mercy. I think it's very clear that we are, as saints, forgiven of our sin because of Christ's purity and sacrifice on the cross.
The whole purpose of grace and forgiveness and Christ's sacrifice is because we can't be perfect every minute of every day. If we're subjected to Hell for not repenting for every single sin we ever commit, then what is grace and mercy and what's the point of Christ's ultimate sacrifice if we still have to be "perfect" in the sense that we have to recall and repent for every single sin?
I would argue that no human is good enough at being able to fully identify all the sin within his life that the argument that we aren't going to be with God if we don't repent everything says that none of us will make it, and I don't believe that for a second.
I know I fail God daily, in ways I can't count, but I don't believe that His forgiveness and my salvation is dependent on the ability of my human brain to remember each one and repent item by item - that would make salvation something we earn, and we know it's a gift that we could never earn on our own - it's grace and mercy and love and a sacrifice that we don't deserve and no amount of repenting for wrong doing will enable us to earn it, it isn't in our control, we have to accept it, not earn it...
The thing that saddens me is that we've gone waaaay far away from my original question. I was NEVER asking for any of you or even for God to give me permission to sin. That is insane. I wasn't looking for a way out. I used ONE example that is very vivid and one that everyone knows something about. I am NOT choosing to sin. I am doing a great deal to stay away from it, maybe not enough but I'm working on it. I truly was just airing my brain. My question was do I have to fail in order to really learn? I'm pretty sure the answer is no, but sometimes it is not easy to see. I am NOT saying to myself, "I'm going to go have sex and just ask for forgiveness." Blech. That makes me hurt. It hurts that someone could possibly gain that understanding from my writing. I think I said something about that being a stupid thought process because it is anti-biblical.
Confession and repentance are in the same family but not synonymous. You can confess and not repent at all, right? Where did I say they were the same? My pastor says confession to others is to live deeper more intimate lives with other Christians so that we can experience Christ's love and forgiveness through them. Repentance is being sorry and wanting to change your actions.
I also think this is too hard of a subject to deal with through comments on a blog. It seems some things are being assumed - on both sides.
This definitely is a touchy subject and I guess has some differing theological views. That's OK. But don't assume that you know what's going on in my head or heart.
I don't think Christy was saying AT ALL that she had it all figured out. I've known her since 3rd grade - that's not her.
Scripture is our basis for truth. I'm going to stick with what Paul says in Romans 6. You know the passage - he asks the age old question - do we continue in sin just because we have grace? The resounding answer is NO. That's the duh factor to me. I do my best to NEVER take things out of context to suit my needs. That's manipulative and wrong. I may not have the clearest understanding about everything I read, but I do search for the truth. I also very much respect my pastor and what he thinks. He walked us through Romans and taught us the truth of Romans 6:10 "The death he died, He died to sin, ONCE FOR ALL; but the life He lives, He lives to God." It goes on to explain that in the same way we are to count ourselves dead to sin.
But I also know that, like Christy said, I sin in ways that I don't even begin to understand on a daily basis. That's where CHRIST'S GRACE comes in.
When Jesus is telling the parable in Matthew 25, He knows the hearts of those He is telling to depart. Because you can't give lip service to the King and say you believe but truly in your heart NOT believe and still expect to be given His grace. If you aren't transformed then you aren't really saved, right? But being transformed does not equal perfection.
I'm getting more and more angry! Sorry. I do apologize for my anger. I need to stop re-reading the comments.
I will never EVER tell my Savior that He HAS to forgive me. That hurts my heart to even think.
I'm going to stop because I've ranted enough. I'm not even going to read back through my stuff for the fifth time. I'm just going to let it go. We can agree to disagree.
Erin,
I was being playful when I said that any one of you...and that even included my dad, had it all figured out. (Hence the little winky symbol). I know you don't really know me or my heart really...but that was totally playful. Trying to be a bit light in a subject that is not. My sincerest apologies. We all can certainly disagree on things and not be angry or mean. That is life and that is ok. Everyone who comes here... that posts comments, as far as I can tell, are wonderful God-fearing people who love you. GRACE is extended from all of us to each of us, I would assume. Perhaps my opinions are better left to my own blog. I certainly don't contribute here to hurt anyone or make anyone angry in any way. That is NOT at all my heart. I hope you know that Erin. My comments are never directed AT you, but hopefully to anyone who reads here in general, just to offer MY stance, not to IMPOSE my stance ONTO anyone. I hope anyone who reads here understands that much. My heart aches that my words come out hurtful or not as I meant them. I wish my heart were better reflected in my words. Know that I care and that I read...but I don't want to express myself here if it is harmful to anyone. No need to keep this dragging out. If you want to reply, you have my email address sweetie. No worries, no hard or hurt feelings on my end. Your blogs are wonderful, open, honest, bold, and I will always be prayerful and reading along.
Grace...lots of grace,
Carlotta
(PS Feel free to delete any of my comments if you feel they are problematic.)
Post a Comment