The Lists

I'm not sure I remember how to do this. It's been two years - we really can't count the one post in 2010. But I've been feeling the urge to write and I need to do it. I'm really not sure what I want to write about anymore. The purpose of this in the very beginning was to write about God's love for me. I wanted to really understand that He loves me completely because it's always been something that I've struggled to believe. Of course, most of my writing was in pain - angry that I was alone.

I'm not alone anymore. (Which shocks the heck out of me from time to time. I mean, it's still new - but it feels very comfortable and awesome and right. ~blissful sigh~)

So how do I write about stuff now? I tend to lay it all out there for the whole world to see. I'm not sure that's the right thing to do now? Is it? Does it matter who is reading? Do I change to another whole blog thingy so that no one knows where I'm writing? Or do I just share the things on my heart? Somewhere in here I wrote about being afraid to share who I really am - with anyone - because you might not like who I really am. Right now I'm feeling like who I really am is really liked by someone. What an amazing thing! To be myself completely - total geek and weird Star Wars freak - and still be liked. A lot. By an amazing man who loves Jesus. I'm blown away. Somewhere else in here I wrote about wondering if there could ever be a man who had this little list of qualities. I didn't think he really existed. But . . . he does. I just went to find it. January 2007:

Recently I wrote the "wish list" that every single girl makes about her dream man. You know you've done it too. This is what I wrote: "Is there a strong Christian guy out there who loves Star Wars and science fiction, but isn't a total nerd, likes to read & watch movies, loves kids, can sing & make me laugh and thinks I'm beautiful?"

It blows me away that this guy was out there all that time - it was just waiting for God's timing.

OK - then I found this post from 2007 - MY LIST - and it makes me laugh too. It's a list I started right after my divorce back in 2003. Amusing to go back and read. But also amazing to go back and read - because I know this guy - the one who actually likes me - and he pretty much has this list wrapped up too.

It's so hard to wait for God's timing, but wow. . . .