The Little Voice

Pastor Matt said a few things in his sermon on Easter Sunday that just kind of jolted my thoughts. Elyssa went to bed at 7:30 so I've had a few hours to process this through. Hope it doesn't ramble too much.

He defined sin as anything we make the ultimate instead of God. Then he started listing off some examples - money, things, lust, alcohol . . . and I was sitting back, thinking how great I was because none of that stuff was the ultimate to me. Then he dropped the bomb. He said family. Family? My wanting of a marriage could be sin? NOT that the WANT is sinful - but am I making it the ultimate? Sadly, I could only answer yes. Darn it. Right now I'm sitting here realizing that I think myself so lucky to be so far from sinful behavior - you know the bad stuff - and what a load of crap I've been feeding myself. I am very sinful.

So, then comes the thoughts of how can I be a better Christian? I'm not doing it right. How can I do it right? Why am I still sinning in the same way over and over? Why isn't God sick of me by now? Why does He continue to love me? Of course all of that is another load of crap because I know why. Jesus took my sin- past, present and future (once for all - Heb 10:10 & 1 Peter 3:18).

Then that stupid voice takes over and all I do is think badly of myself. I'm (insert bad thoughts here) and the list goes on and on. I hesitate to even list those - and actually I just went back and deleted them - I don't want you hearing the voice or agreeing with the voice. You know? Does everyone battle that voice? Has anyone successfully defeated the voice? Why can't I seem to conquer it?

Pastor Matt asked why we listen to the voice. Romans 8:31-39 tells us that no one can judge us, save God Himself. He loves me. Not because of anything I have on the outside. Not with an imperfect love. He loves me. Nothing will be able to separate me from the love of Christ. Have you ever thought about that? NOTHING! It pierces me. I get stuck thinking I have to be good enough. That's how you have to be with people. You have to be good enough to be loved by someone. But not with God. He just loves me. Period.

Romans 8: 31-39 (The Message)
So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

The voice is wrong. So why do I continue to give it power? Honestly - I will catch a glimpse of myself in a window reflection and instantly every bad thing I think of myself rushes through my head. Why can't I accept God's love as enough?

Have you ever started reading a book and put it down and then picked it up again days or even weeks later and the very next chapter is exactly what you need to hear? This happens to me far too many times to be a coincidence. I am reading Come Thirsty by Max Lucado. It's been weeks since I've read a chapter. I picked it up yesterday and the chapter is called Going Deep. It's about receiving God's love. Max refers to Deuteronomy 7:7-26. Click here to read the promises God has made to you and me.

Come Thirsty

• To abide in Christ's love is to make His love your home. Not a roadside park or hotel room you occasionally visit, but your preferred dwelling.
• Adapting to a new home takes time.
• The dimensions of God's love are different too. You've lived a life in a house of imperfect love.
  
• Go deep. Take a breath and descend so deeply into His love that you see nothing else.

So why can't I completely receive God's love? Am I stuck at comparing His love to human love? Am I the only one who struggles with this? I get frustrated because I feel like I should be farther along the path already. Am I a lousy Christian? What am I doing wrong? Maybe it just goes back to what JP told me once. He said we see glimpses of that perfection and we hunger for it. Sometimes we chase after something that we only think is that perfection, only to find out later that we've been wasting our time.

I've wasted so much time. I continue to waste time. I can't seem to stop wasting time. We will get the perfection when He returns. (When He Returns is a GREAT Kevin Max song!)

I want more faith. I want to love Christ more. I want to be totally dependent on HIM and Him alone. Why do I feel like I'm not there? Why do some people feel like they are there? How did they get there?