I love it when I stumble across free awesomely cute backgrounds! Fun!
And I should be in bed. I'm counting way too much on us not having school tomorrow. Watch us have a regular day. That'll stink!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Confusion
How is it that people get divorced and within weeks (OK maybe months) they are engaged again? It's not even people I really know - just random "friends" on facebook.
I haven't even really dated and it's been 5 years! How do you not fall into the trap of there must be something wrong with me? Not that I'm really falling into that trap but I could see myself going there. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
Blech. It just sucks and that's all there is to it. And it makes me just a little bit angry which is probably wrong but it is what it is.
poop.
I haven't even really dated and it's been 5 years! How do you not fall into the trap of there must be something wrong with me? Not that I'm really falling into that trap but I could see myself going there. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
Blech. It just sucks and that's all there is to it. And it makes me just a little bit angry which is probably wrong but it is what it is.
poop.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Bible Study
My problem with Bible study is that I don't want to do something like a Beth Moore study - no offense to Beth. I'm sure they're awesome. I just want to do a Bible study. But I just don't feel like I know how. I was telling my counselor (who I finally got to see again last Saturday - long story - more later) that what turns me on the most is having a bunch of books spread out on a big table and a big spiral for me to take notes in and an outlet for sharing what I learned. I want to know the history behind what's going on and what words mean and why they were chosen and how it connects to other things in the Bible. Honestly, I should go into seminary because I think I'd love it. Not that I want to be a preacher - I just want to take the classes. But that's not something I see in my immediate future. Although, the dad that I was talking to yesterday told me about a class called "Precepts" which I think my church is offering or has offered or something. I need to look for that. And my counselor suggested me finding a class to take in a college - maybe even at seminary. Hmmmm. But now I'm off topic. . . .
The dad told me about a book and I bought it today and I am fired up about reading it! It's called How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Fee and Stuart. I've read the first section or so and it makes so much sense! Lucky you (you can read that with or without sarcasm - your choice!) I'm going to share some of what I learned. I was reading and taking notes and rereading and summarizing. It was great fun for me! After an hour, I kind of felt funny because I hadn't read the Bible at all - but I think this book is going to help me read the Bible better, so it's worth it.
First of all, there are two words that you need to know. Exegesis means finding what the biblical text originally meant (then and there). Hermeneutics means hearing the same meaning in the different context of today (here and now). The goal of Bible study should be to do both well. (Now I'm going to seem to go off task but it winds itself back to these two things, so keep reading.)
We must interpret what we are reading. The purpose is to get at plain meaning. The authors say that usually when someone finds a unique meaning, they are often wrong. We should not dive in trying to find something unique - that really points to pride. "Correct interpretation, therefore, brings relief to the mind as well as a prick or prod to the heart." (18) There were some great examples of other religions who find "plain meaning" in parts of the Bible that support their kooky ideas, but I'm not getting into that part right now.
One cool thing was the description of the duality of the Bible - it is, at the same time, both human and divine. It is God's word, but it is written by human hands in human words. God chose to deliver His word this way for a reason. I'd never really thought about the why of that. ". . . He chose to speak His eternal truths within the particular circumstances and events of human history." (22) This should give us hope. Since He chose to speak to us in the context of human history, we can believe that the same words will speak to us right now in our history. He also chose to use every available type of human communication - all types of genres: laws, genealogies, historical narrative, poetry, riddles, prophecies, drama, parables, letters, sermons. . . everything you can think of. We need to know the special rules that apply to each type of genre so that we can best understand what He is trying to tell us. I knew the Bible was made up of all those different types of writings, but never ever thought of why God did it that way. It makes perfect sense. He had a reason for throwing all that together. That's greatness! I know it's kind of 'duh,' but it's like a light bulb went off. Funny how you can know something but not really know.
Since He shared His Word with real people, He had to use events and language that they would understand. "God's Word to us is first of all His Word to them." (23) We are far removed from that time. That's why we need to learn to interpret the Bible. Before we can learn why it is important for us, we must first know why it was important to them.
So first we have to know the then and there meaning (exegesis). Then we must learn to hear the same Word here and now (hermeneutics).
It's cool! It's deep! It's real Bible reading. I'm very excited. I'll probably be writing about this some more, so I hope it's somewhat interesting to you.
The dad told me about a book and I bought it today and I am fired up about reading it! It's called How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Fee and Stuart. I've read the first section or so and it makes so much sense! Lucky you (you can read that with or without sarcasm - your choice!) I'm going to share some of what I learned. I was reading and taking notes and rereading and summarizing. It was great fun for me! After an hour, I kind of felt funny because I hadn't read the Bible at all - but I think this book is going to help me read the Bible better, so it's worth it.
First of all, there are two words that you need to know. Exegesis means finding what the biblical text originally meant (then and there). Hermeneutics means hearing the same meaning in the different context of today (here and now). The goal of Bible study should be to do both well. (Now I'm going to seem to go off task but it winds itself back to these two things, so keep reading.)
We must interpret what we are reading. The purpose is to get at plain meaning. The authors say that usually when someone finds a unique meaning, they are often wrong. We should not dive in trying to find something unique - that really points to pride. "Correct interpretation, therefore, brings relief to the mind as well as a prick or prod to the heart." (18) There were some great examples of other religions who find "plain meaning" in parts of the Bible that support their kooky ideas, but I'm not getting into that part right now.
One cool thing was the description of the duality of the Bible - it is, at the same time, both human and divine. It is God's word, but it is written by human hands in human words. God chose to deliver His word this way for a reason. I'd never really thought about the why of that. ". . . He chose to speak His eternal truths within the particular circumstances and events of human history." (22) This should give us hope. Since He chose to speak to us in the context of human history, we can believe that the same words will speak to us right now in our history. He also chose to use every available type of human communication - all types of genres: laws, genealogies, historical narrative, poetry, riddles, prophecies, drama, parables, letters, sermons. . . everything you can think of. We need to know the special rules that apply to each type of genre so that we can best understand what He is trying to tell us. I knew the Bible was made up of all those different types of writings, but never ever thought of why God did it that way. It makes perfect sense. He had a reason for throwing all that together. That's greatness! I know it's kind of 'duh,' but it's like a light bulb went off. Funny how you can know something but not really know.
Since He shared His Word with real people, He had to use events and language that they would understand. "God's Word to us is first of all His Word to them." (23) We are far removed from that time. That's why we need to learn to interpret the Bible. Before we can learn why it is important for us, we must first know why it was important to them.
So first we have to know the then and there meaning (exegesis). Then we must learn to hear the same Word here and now (hermeneutics).
It's cool! It's deep! It's real Bible reading. I'm very excited. I'll probably be writing about this some more, so I hope it's somewhat interesting to you.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Double Conference
I had a conference with a parent today about his child. The student is struggling in school a bit so we were just going over strategies. This conference was about 20 minutes long.
Then I had a conference with this same parent for about 30 minutes about his field of study. He's in seminary. We talked about Bible study and how I don't do it very well and he was giving me some ideas and is going to write down some commentaries and books that I should get. I was explaining how I don't want to do a Beth Moore study - I want to do a Bible study. But I wasn't very good at it. I didn't have the right tools. It was great! I told him I was sorry I took up so much of his time, but that I really enjoyed our talk. He laughed and said that was his area of expertise. I'd already shared my expertise so it was his turn.
I really enjoy talking to this parent - he and his wife are awesome! I just think it's cool how in a public school where we're not supposed to talk about God, an almost-pastor and I can discuss God's great writing and how to best learn it.
Then I had a conference with this same parent for about 30 minutes about his field of study. He's in seminary. We talked about Bible study and how I don't do it very well and he was giving me some ideas and is going to write down some commentaries and books that I should get. I was explaining how I don't want to do a Beth Moore study - I want to do a Bible study. But I wasn't very good at it. I didn't have the right tools. It was great! I told him I was sorry I took up so much of his time, but that I really enjoyed our talk. He laughed and said that was his area of expertise. I'd already shared my expertise so it was his turn.
I really enjoy talking to this parent - he and his wife are awesome! I just think it's cool how in a public school where we're not supposed to talk about God, an almost-pastor and I can discuss God's great writing and how to best learn it.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Stupid Body Image Thoughts
It seems so cliche to write about my struggles with body image. I mean, seriously, who really wants to read that? But maybe you feel the same way or you have in the past and you can give me encouragement. Isn't that really what my blog is all about? Me laying out my crap and you telling me something - good or bad. It's hard for me to write about this because this is the ugly side of my heart and if I show you the ugly side, will you still like me? That's the "I'm not worth it" issue working itself up and out. I have to earn your love, right? I must have to earn God's love too. (I know that's not true - it's just deeply ingrained in my heart and I'd rather do other stuff than look at it too closely.)
Is it just me or do you ever get that hopeless feeling that it's all pointless and why does it matter? It being eating right and exercising. I get stuck there so fast. I can never celebrate the great things I've done. I lost about 30 pounds. I added about 10 pounds of muscle. That's greatness. I can only focus on the 10 pounds I've put back on since my knee surgery. I can only focus on the fact that I have no leg muscles anymore - especially in my left leg. Clothes don't fit right. I'm not happy. It immediately goes into - I don't like myself. Then it goes deeper into - I will never get where I want, there is no finish line, I can't do it so why try, I will be gross my whole life and no one will ever find me attractive. . . and on and on. It sucks.
What sucks the most is that I KNOW it's the way Satan wins. You may think I'm crazy but I really believe this. Satan finds that one thing that will hold you down and put in you the pit so that you aren't doing it what you can for God. Body image is how he does that for me. It puts me in a funk and I don't like myself. If I don't like myself, how on earth can I show God's love to other people? I can't even show God's love to myself!!
I ate wonderfully today. I'm writing all my food down again. I drank more water than usual. I did the treadmill for 30 minutes and then did weights for about 30 minutes. I did great things today! But because I don't see an instant result, I don't like myself. It's so pathetic. My knee surgery was in October. It's January. It took me about 2 months to put on 10 pounds. It didn't happen overnight so why would it go away overnight? But in my head I am totally the defeatist - it will never happen, I will be gross my whole life, why bother even trying? Everyone can tell me over and over that I'm beautiful, but I just don't believe it. It's like I CAN'T believe it. As I was (somewhat frantically) trying on clothes tonight to find something to wear tomorrow, I was not very positive about myself. I don't want my daughter to hear that! And she was so sweet trying to tell me that everything looked really great. I told her to stop telling me that. I told my daughter to stop telling me I was beautiful. What the crap? That's HORRIBLE! But in my head, the little voice was saying, "She's your daughter. She HAS to think you are beautiful. It doesn't really mean anything." I'll do the same with you - "That person is your friend. They HAVE to say you are beautiful. They don't really think you are. They are just being nice." AUGH!
There is too much going on in my head. Look at that verse up above. Funny how God led me to that verse a week or so ago. Isn't it appropriate? Not that I can be still and God will miraculously fix me. But He will fight for me. Why won't I let Him fight for me? Why am I always the tough girl who will do it all by myself? When does that change? Does it ever change?
Pastor Matt's sermon last week and this week totally hit on this very subject - not body image, but just the battle in our minds and hearts. I will go through my notes and tell you what I learned next time.
Sleep would probably be good for me right about now.
Is it just me or do you ever get that hopeless feeling that it's all pointless and why does it matter? It being eating right and exercising. I get stuck there so fast. I can never celebrate the great things I've done. I lost about 30 pounds. I added about 10 pounds of muscle. That's greatness. I can only focus on the 10 pounds I've put back on since my knee surgery. I can only focus on the fact that I have no leg muscles anymore - especially in my left leg. Clothes don't fit right. I'm not happy. It immediately goes into - I don't like myself. Then it goes deeper into - I will never get where I want, there is no finish line, I can't do it so why try, I will be gross my whole life and no one will ever find me attractive. . . and on and on. It sucks.
What sucks the most is that I KNOW it's the way Satan wins. You may think I'm crazy but I really believe this. Satan finds that one thing that will hold you down and put in you the pit so that you aren't doing it what you can for God. Body image is how he does that for me. It puts me in a funk and I don't like myself. If I don't like myself, how on earth can I show God's love to other people? I can't even show God's love to myself!!
I ate wonderfully today. I'm writing all my food down again. I drank more water than usual. I did the treadmill for 30 minutes and then did weights for about 30 minutes. I did great things today! But because I don't see an instant result, I don't like myself. It's so pathetic. My knee surgery was in October. It's January. It took me about 2 months to put on 10 pounds. It didn't happen overnight so why would it go away overnight? But in my head I am totally the defeatist - it will never happen, I will be gross my whole life, why bother even trying? Everyone can tell me over and over that I'm beautiful, but I just don't believe it. It's like I CAN'T believe it. As I was (somewhat frantically) trying on clothes tonight to find something to wear tomorrow, I was not very positive about myself. I don't want my daughter to hear that! And she was so sweet trying to tell me that everything looked really great. I told her to stop telling me that. I told my daughter to stop telling me I was beautiful. What the crap? That's HORRIBLE! But in my head, the little voice was saying, "She's your daughter. She HAS to think you are beautiful. It doesn't really mean anything." I'll do the same with you - "That person is your friend. They HAVE to say you are beautiful. They don't really think you are. They are just being nice." AUGH!
There is too much going on in my head. Look at that verse up above. Funny how God led me to that verse a week or so ago. Isn't it appropriate? Not that I can be still and God will miraculously fix me. But He will fight for me. Why won't I let Him fight for me? Why am I always the tough girl who will do it all by myself? When does that change? Does it ever change?
Pastor Matt's sermon last week and this week totally hit on this very subject - not body image, but just the battle in our minds and hearts. I will go through my notes and tell you what I learned next time.
Sleep would probably be good for me right about now.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Biking Plans Killed by Flat Tire
Yeah - thought I'd go for a quick ride before getting ready for church.
Stupid tire.
Stupid tire.
Friday, January 02, 2009
2009
I can't believe it's another year. I know everyone says that, but where is the time going? You know what's the funny/dorky/dumb thing that is on my mind? In February it will be 5 years that I've been divorced. FIVE YEARS! What a waste of time to be thinking/worrying/wondering about that. Ugh.
I'm so tired. But not sleepy.
New year means new goals and wondering about the previous year. Did I accomplish what I set out to accomplish? I think I made progress, but I wish I had made more. I'm going to have to go back and read last January's thoughts and see.
My immediate goals? To write more. I think I've stopped that because I've worried too much about saying something that will annoy/aggravate/piss off a reader. (And I'm wondering where all my slash marks are coming from?) Carlotta wrote about that recently as well - worrying about people - not slash marks. It's funny - why we worry about what others will think. They don't have to read - they chose to read. We should not worry about them!
I want to meet Carlotta and Amy. It's time. It's past time. It's waaaaay past time. :-)
I want to become a bike rider. How do you do that? Since I had knee surgery in October, I've put on some of the weight I'd lost. I'm not too worried about it - it's just breaking bad eating habits and exercising. Exercising with a weak knee sucks. I want to ride and enter races. What kind of races? I have no idea. Do they even have that kind of thing? I would assume so - Lance Armstrong comes to mind. But I don't want to enter that fancy race in France. Ha ha. Surely there are like marathon thingys for bike riders, right? I've got a crap bike from Wal-Mart. Will I be laughed at for riding my crappy bike from Wal-Mart? I just didn't want to spend a bunch of money if I wasn't going to ride. Do I have to wear spandex? Yikes! Not sure about that!
My 20th high school reunion will be this year. AUGH! I have high hopes of meeting the man of my dreams there. Wouldn't that make a great story? Of course, it seems that they are all married. Sigh. Probably won't be happening for me.
I am SO rambling. I must go and try to sleep. We're taking Hershey to a dog park tomorrow. That should be an event. We've never done that before.
I think I have a couple of readers still hanging on out there. Thanks for sticking with me even though I never write anymore. I'm aiming for twice a week this year. I have so much to say. I must just make time for me.
I'm so tired. But not sleepy.
New year means new goals and wondering about the previous year. Did I accomplish what I set out to accomplish? I think I made progress, but I wish I had made more. I'm going to have to go back and read last January's thoughts and see.
My immediate goals? To write more. I think I've stopped that because I've worried too much about saying something that will annoy/aggravate/piss off a reader. (And I'm wondering where all my slash marks are coming from?) Carlotta wrote about that recently as well - worrying about people - not slash marks. It's funny - why we worry about what others will think. They don't have to read - they chose to read. We should not worry about them!
I want to meet Carlotta and Amy. It's time. It's past time. It's waaaaay past time. :-)
I want to become a bike rider. How do you do that? Since I had knee surgery in October, I've put on some of the weight I'd lost. I'm not too worried about it - it's just breaking bad eating habits and exercising. Exercising with a weak knee sucks. I want to ride and enter races. What kind of races? I have no idea. Do they even have that kind of thing? I would assume so - Lance Armstrong comes to mind. But I don't want to enter that fancy race in France. Ha ha. Surely there are like marathon thingys for bike riders, right? I've got a crap bike from Wal-Mart. Will I be laughed at for riding my crappy bike from Wal-Mart? I just didn't want to spend a bunch of money if I wasn't going to ride. Do I have to wear spandex? Yikes! Not sure about that!
My 20th high school reunion will be this year. AUGH! I have high hopes of meeting the man of my dreams there. Wouldn't that make a great story? Of course, it seems that they are all married. Sigh. Probably won't be happening for me.
I am SO rambling. I must go and try to sleep. We're taking Hershey to a dog park tomorrow. That should be an event. We've never done that before.
I think I have a couple of readers still hanging on out there. Thanks for sticking with me even though I never write anymore. I'm aiming for twice a week this year. I have so much to say. I must just make time for me.
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