I avoid people. I know I do it, but can't seem to break the cycle. It's depressing. It's so ingrained - I don't know how to change.
When I was parking my car, I found a spot away from people. I actually had the thought, "if I park here I won't have to talk to the parking people." And all that would have required was a smile and hello. Difficult, right? I will wait until the lobby clears before going to the restroom because I'm afraid everyone out there will look at me and who knows what they are thinking.
I did it last night at my soccer game too. I'd come off the field and go way down to the end away from people. I'm not sure what exactly is my reasoning. I guess deep down, I don't think people would care about me. So then I probably come across snobby.
I can stand in front of 500 children and not feel threatened at all. But peers? Forget it.
I'm jealous of the ease others seem to have. It sucks. And what will I do after working this service? Go home and watch a movie by myself.
I wish I believed the promises of God a little better.
8 comments:
"I wish I believed the promises of God a little better." You've got to be kidding me! How about wishing you understood them at all? The reason I'm so hard on you is I've been right where you are, and the good news is I know the ANSWER to the problem that you face (faced it for too many years myself), and it's simple, really.
You MUST remember God loves all those people you are avoiding, really loves them, same as He loves you. Here's the key. He needs you to touch them, smile at them, give them hope, be Jesus to them today. I blew off His need to use me for years and years, stayed "inside myself." Created excuse after excuse for not touching them in His name.
These people are lonely too, just like you and me, they have a need that hardly ever gets met, just like you and me. They need someone to care enough to speak, to care, to reach out. They long for the touch of God, and you, through Jesus, have it. Give it! He doesn't withhold from you, don't withhold from them. Joy is waiting just around the corner, speak up!
I love that perspective from Anonymous! It's true........those people crave what we crave!
Also, I learned something last week in a class:
Those who ask....get. Those who ask more......get more. So, how about you put your trust in God and ask him to give you what you need? Try it just for today. For example:
God, please give me the willpower to avoid eating.....
God, please give me the courage to speak to person x about what's bothering me.
God, please give me the self confidence to speak to......
God, please help me smile at 5 people today and say "hello"
God, please give me the energy to.....
God, please help me show my love for people, just like you love them.
Here's something that helped me. I was watching something about Donnie Osmond(proof in itself that I was once one of the world's biggest social phobes and had no social life! LOL) having terrible panic attacks before and during his concerts. His wife finally helped him by telling him to go out there and give a mediocre performance the next concert. It helped him and me. You have to "get out there" without trying to be so perfect.
I know Lance & he is sooooo right. That striving for perfection is a "life ending" (no happiness) disease. My God made perfection only one time (JESUS), to save my imperfect soul. I strive for excellence, but I keep my sense of humor handy because I need it sooooo frequently. I do not care who laughs at me, usually my own laughter (directed at me) will drown them out anyway.
For years I was perceived as "snobby." I wasn't. Not at all. But I was an avoider. For all the reasons you could imagine. I always felt people were judging me. I always felt like I was going to "mess up" and look the fool. Or worse, I was afraid I would appear insignificant to those around me. To be completely transparent, I still fight those thoughts sometimes. So I feel for you. But I know for me, I am always glad when I fight through those tendancies and put myself out there. And I know who the true source of those fearful thoughts is. For whatever reason, some days are easier than others. But I know God wants to use all of us to touch the lives of other people and we cut that opportunity short when we avoid contact. I'll pray for you, me, and everyone else who tends to withdraw and avoid. We can only touch others when we reach out.
I appreciate everyone's comments. Well, mostly anyway. I've been praying about it more and will continue to grow. Thanks.
I generally felt individuals were passing judgment on me. I generally felt like I would botch up and look the trick. Then again more terrible, I was anxious I would seem immaterial to people around me. To be totally Research Paper Writing Service straightforward, despite everything I battle those contemplations here and there. So I feel for you. Be that as it may, I know for me, I am constantly happy when I battle through those tendancies and put myself out there.
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