Why aren't I sleeping? I'm so tired. Know what I've been doing? Trying on clothes! Yeah - trying to figure out what to wear on the 5th. Is that stupid or what? It's like an entire week away, but I'm concerned about it right now! AUGH! Dating is NOT my favorite thing to do in the world. Does anyone out there really like it? I want to stop worrying, relax and just enjoy it.
Too many things to wonder about.
On another note - I listened to a CD today that I haven't in awhile. I was listening to DC Talk's Red Letters and when I heard Kevin Max's voice, I just gave a big sigh. I haven't listened to Kevin Max in a long time. It's been months. There are too many memories attached to his voice and his songs. But today - ahhh. It was nice to hear from him. I put on The Imposter and turned it way up. I'm sure the guy in the car in front of me enjoyed my singing show. It did bring back a lot of memories - some of the lyrics of Sanctuary written out to me when he got home . . . part of Imposter that always gave me hope: "this is such a strange beginning. i follow you and i find new meaning. we are formed from all these pieces, take my love and give it reason and you know our day will come. . . ." Anyway - it didn't make me sad this time. I'm really glad it didn't make me sad. It was. . . bittersweet. I learned a lot during that time - and for that I will always be thankful. The biggest thing I learned was that there are guys out there who have at least some of the qualities I want in a man. There are guys who will open their hearts, guys who will send me an email just to let me know when something moves him, guys who are ready and willing to make me laugh - constantly! There are guys who can be as dorky as me. We watched Star Wars at separate homes while IMing during the entire movie and he was as adamant as me that we had to be in the same exact spot the whole time. I think that was one of the best evenings in my life. I know many of you will never ever understand that, but I loved that night. There are guys who can write phenomenally and there are guys who love our Savior and always bring the conversation back to Him.
And some day - my guy will have all that and more.
I have to be honest. Now I'm a bit sad. I just wish I understood everything - you know? That's OK. Someday ~ I will.
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