Would it be horribly pathetic to email someone and ask if there would ever be a chance for us? Why can't feelings that are gone, just stay gone? Why do I have to clean out a drawer (stupid need to clean!) and stumble across a picture that I stole from a kid's backpack (holy crap - I can't believe I'm admitting that!) and copied on the copy machine at school. And it's not really stealing. I put it back! (I did recently find the one I've been carrying in my wallet since November! Oh yeah - pathetic with a capital P.) How can someone I don't even get to talk to anymore still feel like the right one for me? And while I'm confessing, let's just go ahead and admit that I cyber-snooped. On his myspace page it says, "To love and be loved is all he ever wanted." Um, hello? I could do that for you. I could love you and you could love me and we'd both be happy. But no - something must be wrong with me. I'm not it. Why not? Why can't I be it?
Maybe because your a pathetic psycho freak?
I've been out of school for two weeks. I've done nothing. I'm feeling a tad bit like a loser. My pastor yesterday asked us what we were doing with the opportunities that God has given us. I've got the opportunity of lots of time off - that I could be using for His glory. What am I doing? Watching my DVDs of Friends (I'm in season 6) and wondering why I can't have a boyfriend. I got to hug a guy on Saturday night. He's the son of a friend of mine. (Sorry Debbie - if you're reading!) He's 26 (way too young for me) but so . . . manly! He was . . . sturdy, strong. . . tough. . . a man! It's amusing to me (and at the same time quite sad) that something so minor made such a huge impression on me. I miss a man's touch more than I like to admit. So why can't I have one of my own?
Could it be because you're sitting around watching TV instead of out doing stuff? Or possibly because you are a pathetic psycho freak?
I'm so sick of myself. And I'm stuck with me. AUGHH!
So, I shouldn't email him. That would be dumb, right? Even though we're so right for each other? Except for the whole fact that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me . . . . But why not? I could go on and on about why we would be great. Nah, I guess it doesn't really matter what I think. So what's wrong with me? That's a rhetorical question - I know what's wrong with me. But I think it would be awfully pathetic to actually list it all out for you. I'm not quite to that point of pathetic-ness yet. But stay tuned. I'm sure it'll happen soon.
5 comments:
My 2 cents sent with love and humor: He's fantasy man... that's why you can't get over him. You've made him up in your mind to be who you want/need him to be - not necessarily who God made him to be. So, God is thinking, "she has NO idea..." and He's trying to prep you for the good one, but you have to let go of the fantasy one!
See?? Or, as Mr.Burdette would say, "life's problems are not solved with integer answers"...
Yes, yes - total fantasy man! Thank you. That's what I needed to hear. AUGH! God absolutely knows I have no FREAKIN' clue about anything. Thank goodness. You'd think with all the practice I have letting go - that I'd be able to let go, you know? I get so lost in my head. That's why this outlet is so good for me. Fantasy fantasy fantasy. . . thanks for the dose of reality.
Mr. B - he was so funny! Remember Mr. P - I've totally blanked on his name! Mr. Pen. . . what is it? He always told us to ponder it as we went down the hall! And if we had a question, he said to look in our notes - even if it wasn't IN our notes! Pendleton? Was that it? Good Ole TCA. loved it!
YES!! Pendleton... I would have TOTALLY forgotten his name!! Gosh, that's so funny! And Mr. Neumeister Sr. year... the hero... so funny!
wait - I forgot all about Neumeister. Was he the one who said "ponder"? What did Pendleton teach? Neumeister was English - remember Beowulf? Yeah, me neither!
Gosh, I can barely remember Pendleton's name, I don't remember what he looked like or what he taught (I just wrote "teached" and thought, "that doesn't look right!"). Yes, Neumiester was Beowulf!! When I was struggling to pass his class my mom had a conference with him, he says, "Kathy, she's a very sweet girl", my mom says, "Is that going to get her into Yale?" - you gotta love that mom of mine! =)
(not sure if you remember he taught at Yale).
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