At church tonight, the pastor said something that really hit home. He said that I have to trust that God is working on me even if I can't feel it. There are times when we walk in the desert and can't feel His presence. I don't think I'm actually in the desert - I feel Him often - but I just don't get His timing or I don't think He's doing it right. He's not doing what I want. For example, I don't get why other girls get to be friends with the person that I want to be friends with but am not able to right now (or maybe ever). It's not fair. I don't get why I have jealous feelings and stupid tears when I have no basis, no knowledge, no right for those feelings to even be there. Of course, if I'd stop snooping around I wouldn't even know these things in the first place, so I guess that's my fault.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess it's good to know that someday I'll understand. Someday I'll look back on all this and understand why it had to be this way. Someday it'll all be worth it. Someday when I'm actually getting what I want, I'll look back and know why this didn't go my way.
I'm not a fan of waiting for someday. I want to know now.
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