I've been in bed for the last two hours with my head just swimming. I can't sleep. I've been praying a lot - for healing hearts, for correct focus, for the right words to say. I made a promise - no cyber-snooping for an entire day. I know that's laughable - I wanted to go for a week, but goals are supposed to be attainable, right? I figured if I could do a day, then I could do another. Letting go takes waaaay more steps than I first thought. Sigh. Cyber-snooping is too easy, but if I think it through logically - it's not helping me let go. It's actually the opposite of letting go. Princess Leia said it: "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers." (OK - if I wasn't a total SW dork before, I am now. I wanted to be sure I had the quote right. I actually just went and watched that scene in the movie to be sure. It is 1:20 am. Is anyone who actually reads this going to have any idea what the quote is? Are they going to know Tarkin? Are they going to care in the least?! {I did have it right, by the way, except for putting Tarkin's name in the middle.} I am so pathetic. Is it any wonder I'm not dating? I hope being queen of SW Dorkville will be endearing to somebody or all hope is already lost. [small funny - did anyone catch the pun? the movie is called a new hope. ha.] ) So I must release my tight grip. I'm working on it. It may not seem like it, but I really am.
And now I'm just sitting here, chin on fist, staring at the screen. Anonymous - you've been on my mind too. I know we don't believe the same thing. I appreciate you drawing me into a discussion about it. That sounds weird. I'm saying thanks because if I truly believe something I should be able to talk about it and support my beliefs. I also appreciate that you let me do it with writing instead of actual talking. Some of us are just better writers, as you well know. :-)
It's almost 1:30. I really need some sleep or cranky Ms. G will show up at school tomorrow and that makes for a long day. But you know, another thought just came to me. There are lots of SW dorks out there. Male ones. I bet some of them are cute Christians too. Shouldn't they be excited for a female SW dork? Just a thought. Someday maybe I'll get my own dorky Jedi with a shining lightsaber to whisk me off in his starship through hyperspace.......
:-}{-: (doesn't that look like people kissing?)
I need sleep. Seriously. Or help. Maybe there is a SWA (Star Wars Anonymous)?
2 comments:
Cyber-snooping is something I used to spend my valueable time doing and was quite good at. However, it does nothing but bring you down. Cut the ties to the misery you are dragging along behind you. Try to stop all of the little activities (like Cyber-snooping) and the little thought processes that you know are supporting such activities. Whatever it is about...isn't worth it! I know, I've SO been there and done it. I wasted a lot of my life and my time focusing on things and people or weren't worthy of my focus. You are a beautiful and valuable woman. You are a child of GOD, above all of this. I know where you are at this point in your life, I really do.
As for the Jedi, who knows?!?! That would be a tremendous blessing...make yourself open and ready for such a thing. Be the woman that jedi might be looking for, not one spending her time and energy on Cyber-snooping and the like. You seem to be doing well! Take it a day at a time...you'll get there. One day you'll look up and you'll have gone a whole week without even a thought of that situation or that person. I PROMISE!
I love your posts! So honest and open...I love that!
Get some sleep sweetie!
This Anonymous is not a SW nut like other folks I know...just FYI
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