Waiting

I keep trying to tell myself to totally accept my singleness. These are the thoughts that continually run through my head:

I'll be fine without a husband. I don't need anyone. I can do it all myself. It's stupid to be lonely. It's stupid to desire physical affection. Maybe God doesn't want me to be married. Maybe God will take my desires and turn them into something else. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I need to be tough. I need to shut down my feelings. I need to get rid of the flame of hope that flickers in my heart.

But. . . .

God made me a woman. He wired me this way. A woman wants to feel safe in the embrace of a man who loves her. A woman feels empty without her knight in shining armor. A woman is made for emotional and physical intimacy. A woman is made for romance.

Maybe I've got it wrong in my head. Don't start telling me that Jesus can be all those things for me - I know that. I've been working really hard to put Him and keep Him in that spot. But my whole being is made for marriage - a godly marriage to a godly man. That becomes clearer to me every day. Maybe, just maybe, I need to work on accepting that it's OK for me to have all those wants and needs. Maybe it's OK for me to have that deep desire crying out from the depths of my soul. Instead of trying to push away my feelings, I should accept them as from God. He made me this way. Can I give Him all these desires? Can I stop talking myself out of what's in my heart? Could He possibly be saying WAIT instead of saying NO? Can I trust that as I wait and keep myself pure, He will amaze me with what He has planned for me?

Psalm 62:8
People, trust God all the time. Tell Him all your problems, because God is our protection.