I really need to find something else to worry about. I'm not even dating and I'm worried about re-marriage? Augh! This is what's bad about spring break - waaaay too much time to think!
It's been on my mind lately - does the Bible allow for re-marriage after divorce? So I read through this article by John Piper.
(click here to read article)
In a word, John Piper says no. Does that bother anyone else? He says it's a sin. Really. He's got a compelling argument. In the Bible, over and over, it says that marriage after divorce is adultery. No matter the circumstances. No matter what. Until the spouse dies.
But it's not fair. Yeah, I know - life isn't fair. But I didn't want to get divorced. I was betrayed. He cheated. I fought it until there was nothing left to fight. Yes, I made the choice to marry a non-believer. So that choice has ruined my chance at doing it right? He gets to do whatever he wants? He gets to remarry quickly and have another baby, but I don't, because that would be a sin? Really?
I know that doing the right thing is not always fun. I know that God's path isn't easy. But can I tell you what hopelessness this causes me to feel? Has anyone researched the topic and can point me in a direction of hope? I know eternally this is not even worth thinking about. It's a waste of time. I should put my thoughts on what's above. But being in a godly marriage is my deepest desire. I'd be good in that role. I have a hard time picturing Jesus looking in my eyes and saying that my re-marriage after divorce would be a sin.
God - may I please teach my daughter the importance of choosing her mate with You! If I only get to teach her one thing, please let it be to always put You first. If only I had kept You there myself! I messed up.
I've got to find something else to research. Any ideas? Happy ideas? God's will and re-marriage are wearing me down.
8 comments:
You'll be sorry you asked for ideas, but I've always found the story of Rasputin and the mystery of what happened to Anastasia fascinating. See if you can research that instead. Let me know if she got away and made a new life for herself.
I love that story. You've seen the animated movie, right? It's one of our favorites. I've read a lot about her already. She died - sorry to burst the bubble. I'm so mean.
Got any other ideas?
:-)
Here are my thoughts...I do not know for sure, I guess no one really does:
I know the heart of God. If there is anything I know FOR SURE it is the heart of God. I think we have to be very careful of being legalistic (the crowning jewel of the Pharisees). I think there is a HUGE weight given to the condition of your heart. I believe that God knows the difference in one who divorces merely having lost "that feeling" for his wife and having had his attention caught by another woman and one who fought tooth and nail to keep the marriage convenant. I also believe that those of us...like me...who wrongly exited a marriage, can be forgiven and God knows our hearts and sees our Godly sorrow (Godly sorrow is required in reconciliation with God and in forgiveness, I believe). I don't believe that those verses are meant to condemn and damn and hold back the pure of heart. I believe that in all things God is MOST concerned with the condition of our hearts. He knows the difference. Not taking into consideration the heart of your God who loves you and knows your heart and desire for a healthy home and a Godly marriage in contrast to someone who just got out and moves to the next spouse without Godly conviction or sorrow is dangerous. Legalism is dangerous. It short-changes God's heart for you and His ability to release you and free you. There are commandments, there are rules and such, but omitting the WHY and the REASONS for them omits the whole picture. God's rules are there to protect us and keep us from pain. (Same reason we have rules for our own children.) I believe with all of my heart that God loves me, forgave me, and wants me to have a God-centered "re-marriage". I do. But I am SO far removed from legalistic, pharisaical tendancies it ain't even funny! I think God knows your heart and your motives and He knows everyone else's as well! I think the "casual marriage hoppers" will be bound to those stringent standards...as long as their hearts are hardened to God's intent, reason, and His WHYs behind those precepts.
I cannot know for sure. But I do His heart...that I am sure of! And He has a hart of love and forgiveness for those who have HIM at the center of their hearts.
Just one believers view point.
I think that is why I love Carlotta so much. She has such a way with words that she can explain what I think, but am unable to express.
As for research...since you know about Anastasia, how about learning quantum physics?
I did a LITTLE research on a Christian website... the challenge I am having is that I know God is all forgiving and merciful and I know that He doesn't want us yolked to non-believers... here is what I found - and I'm including the website at the bottom...
Here's what I found:
There is one other important Biblical factor to consider in divorce-and-remarriage situations. A Christian should never marry a non-Christian, as this almost inevitably leads to serious friction in the home later on unless the unsaved partner can, by God's grace, be won to Christ. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (II Corinthians 6:14).
Nevertheless, many Christians insist on doing this very thing. And then what? Also, a person may become a believer after marriage, with the partner still unsaved. In either case, there is an unequal yoke, and the Christian husband or wife may come to desire release from this yoke. The Apostle Paul commands in this case: "…If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him." (I Corinthians 7:12, 13). The next verse indicates this is especially important for the sake of the children, who are often the ones hurt most by a divorce.
But suppose the unsaved spouse is the one who insists on a divorce. "If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace" (I Corinthians 7:15).
This obviously means that the Christian husband or wife is then at liberty to remarry. In fact, if there are children involved, and if a caring Christian spouse can be found, it would be good to remarry, for children need the love and guidance of both a father and mother, provided, of course, that the stepmother or stepfather is "in the Lord" (I Corinthians 7:39) and desires to assume such a responsibility.
By extension, these principles could be applied to other situations that the Scriptures do not cover explicitly. As noted above, God is able and willing to forgive all sins, including even the sin of getting a divorce for trivial reasons. He has called us to peace, not legal bondage, and He can make a good marriage and a happy home no matter what the previous history of the people involved may have been, provided that true repentance, proper restitution, and genuine saving faith and sincere desire to serve the Lord now exist in their lives.
Here's the website:
http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-f004.html
I hope this helps offer some hope and a different perspective. In the end, God will either bring him or not, this time you're listening. This time you'll KNOW he's right for you.
PS - Carlotta is brilliant. I so strongly agree with the fact that God reads your heart less than your actions. He sees the intent of what you do and what your desires are. He is so complex and His ways are so hidden to us... if he were black and white and we could know our path purely by absolutes, then He would be math - He isn't math, He's our complex - beyond our comprehension, forgive - enough to put His only child on a cross for YOU (and me)... that cross covers divorce that cross covers EVERYTHING and it bridges you to God who can put you in a relationship that edifies YOU and brings you closer to God and puts God central in your lives - that's His goal - He doesn't want to continually punish you for what you do (or did) wrong. He wants to forgive you, He wants you to mature and He wants you to continually seek him - I would have to even go so far as to argue that a marriage that worked counter to a fulfilling and enriching focus on God and you wouldn't be a marriage that was accomplishing the maturity and growth and yearning for God that He wants to see in His children.
Shutting up now!
Wow!!! Well, as you know by now, I'm a man of few words...good thing too since it appears Carlotta and Christy had PLENTY to say on this (just kidding ladies.) Seriously though, I agree that the condition of one's heart plays a big factor in this. In my situation, I never wanted a divorce. My ex told me she was going to leave and she did. Oddly enough, I was the one that actually filed for the divorce (I'll tell you that story another day,) but I tried for months to change her mind. As it turned out, her mind was made up months before we even separated. Once I tried everything in MY power, I just had to turn the reigns back over to God.
And by the way, I second Amy and Christy...Carlotta is brilliant :)
I found another website:
Christians divorced by an unbelieving spouse may remarry
1 Corinthians 7:12-16: But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
When the gospel came to Corinth sometimes only a wife was converted, sometimes only a husband. It is likely that at Corinth such marriages were considered unsanctified, unclean, and therefore the advice was, ‘Divorce your unconverted partner!’ Paul totally disagrees. However, he recognises that the unbelieving partner might divorce the believer. When he says, If the unbeliever departs…, we ought to take that very literally. Divorce under Roman law could be an act either of the husband or the wife (under Jewish law only the husband could divorce) and did not even need a certificate. Simply departing was divorce. There are some interesting features about the way Paul handles this matter. First, he does not refer to any words of the Lord, because the Lord was speaking to a very different situation. Then he says, ‘If the unbeliever departs, let him/her depart’. In other words, ‘Don’t cling on to the unbeliever if it is clear he/she wants to go.’ He adds, But God has called us to peace. ‘There will be no peace if he stays against his will simply because you are so insistent in your pleas for him to stay. Follow the way of peace.’
The operative words are, a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. Some take them to mean simply that it is permissible for the divorce to take place, but there is no permission for remarriage. But in such cases the believer would have no option anyway, the unbeliever would simply depart and that was that. It is much more likely that Paul means, in the words of John Owen, ‘They are not in bondage, they are free, - at liberty to marry again’ (Works, vol.16, p.257).
Those who divorce a spouse for serious sexual sin may remarry
Matthew 19:9: And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
The logic of this verse is that if a man divorces his wife for sexual immorality and marries another he does not commit adultery; his marriage is therefore legitimate. The word translated ‘sexual immorality’ is probably used to refer to those sexual misdemeanours, including adultery, which merited the death penalty under the Mosaic law. By this time it appears that death had been replaced by divorce (cf. Matthew 1:19). When the death penalty was exacted the surviving partner was able to remarry, and this continued when divorce was substituted. This probably lies behind the wording of the Westminster Confession: ‘In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce, and, after the divorce, to marry again, as if the offending party were dead’ (Chapter 24:5).
Those who have been wrongly divorced by a spouse may remarry
Matthew 5:31-32: Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce’. But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
This, I believe, is all part of the paragraph that begins in v27 and is about adultery. Jewish men were breaking the seventh commandment both by the lustful look, vv.27-30, and by turning Deuteronomy 24:1-4 into an opportunity for changing wives. By using Deuteronomy in this way they were not formally committing adultery but, just as the lustful look, it counted as adultery in the eyes of God. I say ‘wrongly divorced’ because clearly divorce because of adultery is not wrong in itself.
What is particularly important here is that Jesus simply assumes that a divorced woman will remarry. By divorcing his wife a man causes her to commit adultery. But this could only be the case if she remarried. The Lord says nothing to prohibit the woman from remarriage. He recognises that she will remarry (and in those days needed to) and puts all the responsibility on the divorcing husband. It is he who ‘makes her to be adulterous’ (literal rendering). He wrongly divorced her and takes the blame for what happens afterwards. This principle remains the same today.
There is much more that should be said. Some will certainly want to challenge my exposition of these verses. Moreover attitudes of heart are also very important. Nevertheless I believe Scripture justifies what I have written. One final word. While clearly churches must uphold what they believe to be biblical standards, a Christian is ultimately answerable only to Jesus Christ himself (Romans 14:12-14). Marriage is the most deeply personal human relationship. The distressing details of marriage breakdown belong to those involved, and so do the wrestlings and reasons which ultimately lead to remarriage. While pastors and friends may advise and warn and pray, it is Christ who is the judge.
Website: http://www.gracemagazine.org.uk/articles/devotional/remarriage.htm
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